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anonymous
writes:I thank all who answer here. This may be a hard question to answer but here goes. Most of my life I feel like I do not fit in anywhere. I am fairly self confident, have fairly good social skills but I process things differently than other people and I guess that makes me seem different. I was tasted and I am an infp, introverted feeling and perceiving so..pretty sensitive. I am extremely sensitive to other people and situations and get emotionally involved too quickly I think with people and get too wrapped up in situations. This sensitivity handicaps me although I achieved a fair amount in my life anyway with a responsible job which I have held for years. I am not that great with guys. I have no trouble attracting me but I guess I always think that when they get to know me they will think I am a nerd or dork so I dont even start anything now because of the rejection I am sure will come my way. Is there anyway that life can be easier when you have such a sensitive temperament as I. I am a trooper and carry on with life each day but sometimes I wish I had a more extraverted personality and one where I was not so sensitive. Any replies appreciated. I really do not want to ask my friends about this. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009): I was interested to hear people have the same thoughts as myself. I am very lonely. I lost my husband 3 months ago and someone set fire to my house 6 weeks later. I don't want anybody to feel sorry for me but just wonder why nobody seems to like me and i don't feel as I can get close to anybody. I would love to make friends but always think the things i say are boring and that's why they don't want to talk to me. I try to be helpful and understanding but never seem to get it right. All my family have a partner or husband/wife so I feel out of place if I go out with them. I feel like a spare part. Any ideas would be gratefully appreciated. I do go to the gym but very rarely get in to long conversations. I do try to pseak to people but it never goes any further than a 5 minute chat.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): You seem that you try to reject people before they reject you. I think there is a very confident social butterfly inside you that is trying to get out. Try to have more confidence in yourself and that confidence will shine through. You have a lot of courage for sharing how you feel. If you dont think you fit in anywhere then maybe find a hobby of yours and then find a group or club that shares the same intrests good luck and hope you find your place.
Sencirely, Mrs. Fix-It
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): I'm very introverted as well. It's not at all uncommon. I always found I could attract guys, like you, but never keep them interested. Then I realised I was busy TRYING to keep them interested, and honestly - who wouldn't find that offputting? Now I just be and say what I want and I now know there are guys out there who love that and even find nerdiness appealing, particularly when you aren't ashamed of it. And rejection isn't that bad, it only means that the two of you have found (from getting to know each other a little) that for various complex reasons, you wouldn't work well in a close relationship. That doesn't say anything bad about you! I also now avoid group situations generally, because it's so hard when you're introverted not to end up feeling down on yourself after an evening of saying absolutely nothing with a group of people who all seem so fun and extroverted. Instead go for the quiet, reflective one-on-one sessions with interesting people. I think that kind of communication is more suited to the introvert. Also, even extroverted people feel like they don't fit in. For many, that is the reason why they act so extroverted.
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reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (2 September 2009):
 I did the Myers Briggs test too, so I know what the term "INFP" means. For those of you who don't know, the Myers Briggs personality profile divides people into 16 groups (4 personality areas with 2 choices each).
Here's a link that talks about INFP and relationships: http://www.personalitypage.com/INFP_rel.html
It's interesting that you were tested but didn't get the information that might help you to see what your personality type's strengths and weaknesses are. I had forgotten how in-depth this sort of personality profiling can be.
I know that being introverted seems like it could be a social liability, but actually, what it means is that you recharge your batteries better when you are alone. An extrovert gets energy from being with people. So it's not surprising you feel a bit distant from other people, you probably go off and be by yourself when you're feeling low. People might take that as being standoffish, when in fact, you need the down time.
When I took the test, it was part of a program in my company to help us all work with each other more effectively, so it was pretty targeted advice. I learned in my mix of characteristics is a tendency to feel exposed (not in the physical sense!); my default is that I assume people can see right through me. I don't like it because it means I can be on my back foot and feel somewhat powerless. I had to learn to get over that through some conscious effort.
You do fit in, you just haven't yet found your inner strength and whatever your "bliss" is. You're also still young and actually care and worry if people call you "dork" or "nerd." Though I think most people think nerdiness is "in" at the moment. So play that up a little bit now, just remember that you can let things flow past you if they are causing you trouble. Let go.
You can google "myers briggs ENFP" to get a fairly good choice of decent sites on the topic.
You sound like a bright young thing and just need some reassurance that you're normal and that someone will find you appealling. Someone will, I promise. Give yourself permission to be different, be true to yourself and don't let yourself be defeated before you even leave the gates!
Good luck.
P.S. I tested out as an ENFP.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): I guess your "in"ability to fit in depends on why you are sensitive. Have you been hurt repeatedly? You say you're fairly confident, so i'm guessing that if you have been hurt, you've realized that it wasn't your fault. It was due to the incompentence of others. Either that, or you have not been hurt often.
Did your parents emotionally abuse you? Because you could still be a pretty cnfident person, as long as it only came from them. you would realize upon moving out, they they were ass holes and you shouldn't heed their so-called criticism. And also realize that tons of parents are like that, and you shouldn't take yours any more whole-heartedly than the next person.
Or you were in a horrible relationship? You were stuck but you finally got out.. he broke you down but you partway rebuilt yourself?
You said you wre tested and received infp. Lol. The fact that you mentioned that proves that the test was right. A more extroverted, less-emotinal person wouldn't give that test a second thought. They would continue on with their life, believing that no test can pin them down. But you told us, which means that you are the type of person to thouroughly think and believe in things that other people couldn't care less about. You took that test to heart, and apply it to yourself. Maybe you even learned something about yourself from it.. maybe you changed a little but because of it.. you became alittle more sensitive, observed your surroundings more.
You thanked us twice before even getting the answers.. You're sensitive, considerate, and I believe that shows insecurity. You don't fully believe that people will be entirely interested in YOU.. So you thanked the people ahead of time in hopes that they would know that you really do appreciate their time. Because they can't be doing it because you are someone they think they can care about.. you believe they're taking you in as a charity case. you'll be surprised to find such a long message to you from myself. ou'll return to your question telling yourself there will only be a few answers..
You don't want to ask your friends. You don't act the way you feel. You have a "happy face" and you wear it for the world to see.
You have a "responsible job" and fairly good social skills." I'm guessing that the things you are proud of and do acheive, you don't announce to people. Sure, you'd like them to know, but you don't put it out there. you're shy and/or don't want to be conceided. And I believe that you truely don't want to be conceided, not that you don't want to SEEM conceided...
Well this is simple. MAN UP. Yes. I realize you're not a man, ut unfortunately, biased and stereotypical opinions have forced me to use that term to describe to you in short how you should stop being afraid and develop a backbone. You're not just sensitive, you're scared. You don't want people to hate you and you don't want them to dislike you. You care a ton if someone talks about you behind your back. My guess is you push people away. Afterall, it's better to stop the hurt before the hurtin' begins, right? Well, it's not.
You attract a guy. He likes you. you go out a few times. he still likes you and asks you to be exclusive. You agree. He realized he doens't like you. He breaks up with you.
SO what? That's one man's opinion . Every girl is going to have men that like her and men that don't. Try again on the next guy/ After a few tries, you'll get better at pinpointing the ones that are a waste of time, and you won't even have to bother. you'll learn what people don't like about you and if it's an ok thing to do, you'll change it: you'll better yourself. you'll learn what YOU don't like about OTHER people. You'll make experiences and memories. You'll get some stories to tell. you'll make some friends if nothing else.
And then instead of standing in a crowd of people aand thinking hard about what they're saying and applying it to how that could mean hurtful things to you, you'll stand there laughing, remembering the time a similar thing happened to you and how rediculous it was.
So what if you take a chance? Isn't it better to live with regret than to not live at all? To live and love and get hurt than to never love at all? To have an amazing friend for four years and she stomps on your heart later and you never hear from her agian, than to be alone those four years?
Just think about it. One way, you put yourself out there and get hurt sometimes and don't others. The other, you're constantly hurt and alone. Which sounds better to you? You're a trooper, right? You can handle a little pain. It's all a road and it's leading somewhere. It may be a little broken in areas but nothing is perfect.
Take care.
~Sy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): get involved with something that you've never thought you'd do...like boxing, or some other violent/edgy (but legal?) activity...remember that sensitivity can be so important, but also honor your more wild/animalistic side with people who don't give a damn what you're like...they do exist, and if you don't judge them, they'll treat you in kind.
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