A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and boyfriend have been dating for 3 years now. He recently asked for a break but i didnt want to. He wanted to hook up with another girl but come back to me. Just the thought of it made me cry and really upset. I was stupid and told him ok lets take a break but dont expect me to be waiting for you. The first day of the break he took this girl on a date. I sent him a text letting him know that if he became romantically or intimately involved , i wouldn't be back with him for sure. The next day, i asked about his date and he promised nothing happened. He said he loved me and we got back together. I asked him if he didnt do anything because of the text, but then he said he hadnt even read the text. That same night i found out that he actually made out with the girl... i was sooooo mad! how can he tell me the truth after we got back together! 1 month later, i was having weird dreams and i asked him if there was anything he was hiding from me. Turns out that, that night, he actually took this girl to his room and almost had sex with her in our bed. They made out, and almost went all the way! I found out he was even seeing her behind my back and going to family gatherings with her without me knowing. He had every intention of doing it until he was getting a condom and she said they will do it only if he loves her. Then he knew that i was the one he wanted and he was only planning on having sex with her. What makes me more mad is that this girl has a boyfriend and a daughter. I asked her if they had sex and she said they didnt. I wanted to leave him but i didnt. I love him and he helps me out tremendously. I am afraid of leaving him because i have no friends to talk to or even get advice from. I have been with him still but every time we make love or do anything sexual, i just think of the things he was doing with her! he probably kissed her the same way he does to me, and touched her the way he does to me! i sometimes cry right after because i get too upset. Now he says he didnt cheat cus it was a break but i feel so betrayed. He says sorry to me all the time and says that one day we will get married. What should i do? i dont feel happy with him, but i wont feel happy without him.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Stalker111 +, writes (23 June 2009):
Your man is an asshat.If somebody really loves you they don't ask for a "break" so they can date or have sex with other people without conscience.Kick him to the curb and find a real man who really wants you and loves you not just some asshat who is keeping you around until he finds someone else.
A
male
reader, ALONSO80  +, writes (21 June 2009):
I've never been a big fan of "breaks" since the person who asks for it, 99% of the time have their eyes on someone else. It is the flat truth.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): Owh I can imagine how hearing all these details can hurt you...but you wanted to know and he loves you so he thought he did the right thing. Ye what he did was bad he loves you now. Not all guys are sure about what they want and this goes for girls too. It's seemed like the more you knew, the more you got hurt.
If you want to be with this guy, you have to start thinking about the present. The fact is that you two did break up and he tried someone else. You are the one unable to cope with that past. What about his previous relationships? Are you going to get mad at those too? You have to be a little realistic and realize that he wants to be with you and only you. You guys were obviously young when this 3 year relationship started so at least consider that. All of this is your choice whether you want to deal with it or not...if you can not mature up and accept then it will be better for him and you to break it off... many women I think are unable to deal with their lover's mistakes and spend the rest of their lives making the other miserable...which is a fine waste of time in my opinion. Having said that you wil have to deal with a new bf and his past and then the other and so forth.
Good Luck to you and try to be a little more accepting. You maybe ruining something good since he wants to be with you.
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A
female
reader, lovingit +, writes (21 June 2009):
hey well I think you should break up what he did was terrible and if he cheated on u once he'll do it again trust me... I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 months and I feel the same exact way sometimes things get tough and I just feel like I cnt live my life without him because like you I've alienated myself from everyone but I do believe that you can do it you Can get over him and move on it wont be Esay but its not impossible. Go out make new friends get closer to ur family maybe close cousins or something focus on urself for once n please Dnt let him walk all over you he doesn't deserve u. U deserve better than that! good luck I hope evrythingg works out!
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A
female
reader, Kittycat924u +, writes (21 June 2009):
If it's bothering you that much, then i say ditch the guy, he obviously has no respect for you at all.
He only said he wanted to take a break so he wouldn't get in trouble for what he did with this whore.
So just ditch the guy, find someone new who will actually take care of you. Not you and another girl.
It may seem hard or impossible to leave him at the moment, but after you do it, just find another guy as quick as possible, and flaunt him around your old guy.
Then he'll see how badly he screwed up, and how much he needs you.
It's that or you can take the trick road.
Dump him, and "act" like your fine without him, make him jealous of any guy that even looks at you, flirt with hot guys when he's around.
If he begs for you back, give him a second chance, but draw the line and say if he ever does something so stupid again your leaving him.
If he doesn't beg for you, then he's obviously not worth your time..
Your choice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): I think you`ll feel a lot happier without him actually.okay truthfully you wont at first but after say a month you`ll realise that there are nice guys out there and you`ll lose all them nasty feelings of jealousy and hurt and start feeling confident about yourself. i split with my ex a month ago and now am a lot happier and we were in a 2 year relationship! yes hes right you were on a break but the fact you feel hurt about this and arent happy with him shows me you need to dump him. dont worry you`ll feel a lot better once hes out of your life
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): I'll be your friend!
You can PM me and we can talk about this all you want. Becuase I know how you feel.
And I can give you these words
"You will be happy without him." But does that really do anything for you? Probably not. I was in the same boat however, and I know them to be true. Sure, at first it's miserable not being with him, eventhough you know that you were miserable being with him. But then later, you start to feel free.. fresh.. you can do whatever! And you don't have to worry about what HE'S doing. And most likely, you don't have friends right now because you've been with him for so long and haven't really paid much attention to other people. But you can get out there agian and make friends.
After you feel fresh, you will feel anger. You will hate him becuase you know what he did wrong to you, and how he lowered your self esteem and made you paranoid and untrusting, and you will yell at him! And it will be great!
And then you won't even care.. you could never see him again in your life for all you give a s*i*.
Trust me. It's totally worth it. One day, you will SO relieved to be without him.
My PM offer still stands.
~SY.
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