A
female
age
51-59,
*ill_Billy
writes:My husband has been working abroad for more than a year. We never had a sex life that you can call "great" to begin with. We love each other and are attracted to one another, but not in the knee-weakening, eyes meeting across the room and every-touch-communicating-sex way! We are more or less two good friends who are fond of each other, happy at being around one another, have so many things in common, can make one another laugh easily and have the other's best interest at heart. It's like the kind of love you have for your puppy. A puppy you wish could turn into a man and love you. Still, eachother has been the best thing that happened to both of us, so we stuck to it; pretending love is more important than sex, that it would get better some day, that we'll somehow figure it out and enjoy it. Which was good as far as the 1 year we lived together and the one year we lived apart went.Lately, though, I've been missing intimacy and badly wanting to make out with someone (I'm not really the cheating type so I doubt I'll ever bring myself to it). But my sexual fantasies are, weirdly enough, not about my husband! Infact, when I think of my husband, I lose my hard on (if you can say that for a woman ;)). Anybody else would do, except for my husband. When I think of my husband, I feel disgusted at myself, as if I'm thinking of a family member during sex and all i want to do is turn my face to the wall and go to sleep. Is this the saddest thing or what?
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female
reader, Hill_Billy +, writes (14 August 2008):
Hill_Billy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wish things were as easy as you guys seem to think. They are not! But i'm tired of even explaining. Sorry, i know i'm sounding over-dramatic. It's just so frustrating! Thanks for the effort anyway.
A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (29 July 2008):
 Have you thought about trying sexual counselling. It sounds like you have never bothered to make the most of sex together and get little enjoyment from it with your husband. The best way to get that knee-weakening attraction is to have more sex not less and if its really that bad then you need to start communicating and do something about it!!! x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): Before you get too weirded out, it's natural to think of other things, people, situations in your own private moments. I like that you are friends with your husband. I do believe that is most important. A friend relationship can evolve.
I would recommend bringing up things that you think are sexy in an off-hand way with your husband, like: "Oh my gosh did you see those two kissing? That was hot!" See what his response is, if it starts a conversation, or an agreement. If you nurture being open about being you know, not dead sexually, you will learn more about each other, build a repertoire of things you know each other likes, and then you can ACT on them when the time is right.
This will be more difficult since you have developed a familial mood with your husband, but you can do it. It may feel wrong at first, like your brother, or whatever, but stick it out. This is where you invest in a good relationship and make it even better.
You may continue to want a lusty romp, that your husband may never be... quite, but that isn't really real anyway. What you've got is.
My guess is you will find he also has things that get him excited, and you can discover this together...it's all good.
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