A
female
age
36-40,
*osycheeks
writes:Hi, Hope someone can help me out.I've just learned through talking out my relationship issues I'm having with my boyfriend with a friend. And I think we hit the problem on the head. I'm a control freak. A control freak about how I run my life, not over other people. I'm not trying to control my boyfriend, who he sees and what he does, but I think the uncertainty of not knowing what he is doing/thinking anything about his life, makes me feel insecure. When I get insecure I nit pick and find every fault under the sun. I try to suppress it mostly because I know deep down its unfair, but then I burst. but albeit yeah there are some things he does not so great, but I think the real issue is internal. I just googled 'what is a control freak' and I ticked almost every box. And it kind of upset me a bit. Because I cannot see it, I don't know where to draw the line.Its funny because I always look back and think the most happiest times in my past have been when I've been single. I've been happy in relationships, but its been hard work most parts (hence they havent lasted) but its probably because i know where I am and my feelings aren't in control of someone else kinda thing.How do I use this positively?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2012): Control freaks are usually very insecure people, trying to hide aspects of themselves. It is not an effective strategy. And long term it will not help you win friends and it will not help you to influence people in your favour.
Control freaks, sadly lose friends and destroy relationships. It is too hard on others.
Nit picking is mean and judgemental. It undermines others.
Sounds like you know some of this is hurting?
Maybe start observing how other people interact and solve probems.
And think a little longer before you jump in with your solution
And be generous enought to let go and allow others to share the limelight.
there is not just one way that is the right way in all situations.
There are many possible solutions to ay problem. And your solution may not be the best one in all circumstances.
Allow others to speak without you over-riding them every time.
And yes, sometimes you may have the right solution. But don't crush other people's ideas with a boom-gate approach. Proceed with some caution and empathy even though it may take a little longer to examine things from all angles, with suggestions, until the flaws in other suggestions are revealed to undermine the suggestions sufficiently for others to see the value in your ideas
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