A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my common law boyfriend for 2.5 yrs, we have a 15 mos old daughter who I stay at home with while he works. I feel lately he has been talking down to me and criticizing me for everything I do. It's like his way is the only way. I have been feeling worthless the past few months and feel I have slipped in to some sort of depression. He tells me he loves me daily, but he doesn't show me or treat me like he does. He will control how I spend the little bits of money I get each month and keep tabs on everything, but he can go buy whatever he wants (video games, beer etc). I feel like I have to walk on egg shells around him and I feel myself emotionally checking out. If I try and talk to him about it he will tell me I am being dumb. It will start a fight and end with me crying and him telling me he is unhappy with me. I tell him fine, I will leave, but then an hour later he will come apologize and say he didn't mean it and he is happy. I just don't know what to do. His family has witnessed his somewhat controlling ways towards me and have said things to him to stop. It's not the easiest decision to leave, as all my family live across country, so that is where I would have to move with my daughter and I don't want to take her from her father, but I can't stay in this city where I know no one and have no support. In my hometown I would have everything I need to get back on my feet and start a life for my daughter and I. Ugh, I don't know what to do. Should I wait it out or leave? I do love him and want things to work, I just don't think I can continue putting myself through this, I feel like so worthless and sad.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): He isn't controlling in the sense that I am not allowed friends or going out without him, he encourages me to go out with friends.
I guess it's mainly when I do anything around the house or with my daughter, I always am doing it "wrong" because it's not his way, yet he wont do it himself. I question how I do a lot of things now just to avoid him making me feel like an idiot and talking down to me. He has never shown physical aggression towards me, usually if we fight, he will go out and cool down. Thanks for all your responses so far
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): Sounds alot like my parents relationship, and no it didn't work out. The issues your mentioning, imply hes trying to control your life to the point where you will doubt everything you do and double check with him about every decision you make. Giving you limited funds to works with and checking how you spend it is a very distressing/controlling habit that never gets better without counseling.
My advice would be to 1st seek counseling and if that doesn't help or he refuses to go (my dad refused), seriously consider leaving. The last thing you want is to be stuck in the same situation 5 years down the line, because it won't get better on it's own.
Hope it works out
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): You can try to lay it on the line and let him know how you feel, and threaten to leave, but his control issues will probably get worse. I'm not so sure conseling would help in such a situation, and it's likely that he'd be unwilling to go.Only you can decide whether you should remain in the relationship or call it quits. But, if you do feel that you can't take it anymore and want to leave, I think you should return to your family. That would be the best option for you and your daughter, and that's the most important thing right now. Another question is, if you do decide to leave, would this man potentially become physically abusive? As that does go along with his personality type. If you decide to leave, you may want to do it when he's not around.Good luck. I hope things work out for you.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 November 2010):
 You need to show him that his behaviour is effecting you really badly, he just brushes it of everytime you try and talk to him, i think maybe you should both go to couples therapy, if he refuses tell him that you are going to leave and move to your family if he doesnt try and put this relationship back on track because you cant live like this anymore, you are vunerable and you will end up going in to a deep depression if things dont change.
Money wise things should be equal, maybe sit down and agree that whatever he spends on beer and games that you get equal amount of money to spend on things that you want, tell him that it is only fair, yes he makes most of the money but you are a full time mother and thats a full time job itself you need to get out as well shopping and leading a normal life, am sure he does love you but just make him see that you both need help, as i said therapy is your best bet here and if he doesnt agree to it then am afriad you might just have to leave this relationship and start again from fresh.
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