A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I do everything for my friend and want the world for her but it doesn't seem like she cares.she got mad at me tonight for not calling her back after her missed calls when my day was really busy, granted this happened before and she has told me it bothers her. I really try to call her when I can and hang out with her as much as possible, but I have a boyfriend, school, and other priorities and sometimes its hard to give her all the attention she needs. I love her so much and I don't know what to do about this situation.When she is in trouble, I'm always there for her. I bailed her out of jail, I give her rides everywhere and when she has a problem I try my best to be there for her, but sometimes my schedule doesn't fit to hers and she gets angry at me for it.A lot of our other friends try to one up her when something great is happening in her life and I know I'm one of the only friends of hers that is ever genuinely happy for her and yet she said she knows I don't care about her because I sometimes forget to call her back and even when I do she sometimes gets mad even when I just miss a call, even if I tell her I was sleeping or at a class or something legit. some of my other friends, not mutual with her, think that she is asking too much out of me when I already do so much for her and my boyfriend completely agrees with them,but I don't think they realize that her friendship is my longest lasting friendship, I'm 23 now and we've been friends since the 5th grade. Please give me some advice here. What do you all think? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): I agree with QuirkLady- you need to set some boundaries. Your friend is very dependent on you and that is not healthy. Are you getting anything out of the relationship? Is she a good friend to you? Does she also reciprocate? If you are busy and can't talk, tell her a time when you are available to talk. She sounds like she is very insecure and is the type to think that you don't like her if you don't take her calls, which isn't the case. Life gets busy sometimes. You have a lot on your plate. Don't stress or fuss over this, just be upfront with her and reassure her that you care for her, but also have a lot going on in your life right now. A true friend will understand this and cut you some slack. All the best!
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (8 August 2010):
 I think your friend is a bit needy and should calm down with the requests. Let her know that you have a busy schedule, and even though you love her, sometimes you can't call her right back or be right there. That doesn't mean you don't love her, it only means you have a lot going on in your life. Be honest if she's stressing you out with her demands. After all, if you can't be honest with your best friend, who can you be honest with?
In addition, I would suggest that you say no sometimes. You are her friend, not her doormat, and it is time for you to set some healthy boundaries. If you can't do something because you're busy, then say no, even if she tries to make you feel guilty. It honestly sounds like you have trained her to expect you to always be there for everything, and you need to get out of that. Strive for balance.
Good luck.
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