A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three and a half years and we love each other very much. I have a problem of snooping his computer from time to time - I am too curious for my own good - but I have managed to all but stop myself from doing it. The last time I did it (before today) was after I came home from visiting my parents house at Christmas and I was curious to know how he entertained himself while I was gone. I did find a little bit of porn, but I already knew that he looks at it from time to time and I am okay with that. What bothered me was that he had Googled his ex-girlfriend's name several times (again, I'm fine with that, I understand being curious about people from our past) followed by watching some porn. This morning (it's May now) I did it again and saw the same pattern. This makes me feel really insecure - like maybe she did something sexually that I don't. It seems like thinking about her turns him on. I think that our communication is good, and our sex life (though it has calmed since the first year of our relationship) is still good. I can't talk to him about it because if he knew that I snooped he would be furious.Maybe it's nothing and I should just, well....not snoop ever again?
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christmas, ex girlfriend, his ex, insecure, porn, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (4 May 2010):
 I don't think you are curious.
I think you are nosy and insecure.
You're boyfriend has given you no reason not to trust him
and you are going in his personal space making a mountain out of molehill.
You mention you were fine with both, and now your mind is playing crazy games in your head.
I say stop the snooping, trust your boyfriend and enjoy the relationship.
A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (4 May 2010):
 I agree with male anon - I've googled lots of all-over-the-place stuff in no particular order and I would hate to have someone try to decipher that!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): Well Im not going to
pass any moral judgement in snooping cos I think most people would and do do it! Maybe try and find out his desires? Fantasy? As that might be why she turns him on. I'd say confront him but he'd have a bit ammo
against you so it's probz best to wait till there is some reason you could have been going through his history eg to find a website
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): Damn, what a situation.
First and foremost, if someone has not given you a reason not to trust them, you do not snoop! IF they have given you a reason not to trust them, you talk to them about it then you leave if they keep giving you reasons.
If you know he isn't cheating and everything else about your relationship is great then I would just leave it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): I've searched some weird stuff, in weird orders, and I'd really hate it if someone tried to interpret what it meant by looking at my search history! Some of your concerns are valid. Maybe she did do something that he still finds sexy or erotic. Maybe a candid conversation about what that was may give you a chance to replace those thoughts of her with you. Some of my most erotic sexual experiences were with my first GF. We've been broken up for 14 years and I still think about them sometimes when I masturbate. If someone else had done that stuff with me, I'd definitely think of them instead, I really can't stand that woman!I'd advise against snooping in the future. It not only violates his trust, but causes you to question things that aren't healthy for your relationship. The only exception is if you have some evidence he is cheating on you, but even then that is a dangerous line to walk. Best wishes.
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