A
female
age
41-50,
*lectra1979
writes:Ok, Im in such a state. I found out yesterday that my fiance had goined up to a casual relashionship site and a dogging site, but not just to look at, I found an email sent to a young lady saying he was availiable today and what he would do to her, but he had no reply and he promises nothing happened.He also set up a fictious email to add these women. On one site he said "I have a partner but she is boring and a workaholic", which isnt me atall and when I confornted him he said it was just nonsense he wrote.He said that it was just a spare of the moment thing and he felt lonely, but why? I was happy as it was to be my birthday the next day...(which made it even worse).we have been together for over six years and have been talking abount having kids soon. These accounts were opened only 3 months ago and he assures me nothing has ever happened and he has never cheated on me and said he is sorry and a pratt for even actioning a meet with a women.It hurts so much cos, my Trust for him which was ever so strong before this happened has just gone, it was the one really good thing I thought we had.Now im so confused, I love him and feel like im split in the middle and dont know what way to go, What if he did cheat? Will I ever know, he said he never did.I know he looks at porn and have had our rows over the years but I just got on with it as most men do it, but I feel it has spiraled out of control and its gone to his head, he seems obsessed with porn which led him to going that bit further.He promised he will not look at anything again and will delete what he has posted. Any sugesstions, Do I believe him and try to rebuild this or do I go?we have a home and dog together so decisions are hard to make. He cant apologise enough for what he has done and keeps kelling me that he loves me, but all I now think is bull****.Please help. im so lost.
View related questions:
cheated on me, fiance, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): I agree with Cupid guy; I see some red lights flashing;
HOWEVER
It sounds as if you are in this relationship with conscious commitment; which will help you through ups and downs, steps forward and back.
BUT
do take it slow and learn to reconnect; DO NOT start with a family yet; TIMING is not right; FIRST PRIORITY is to work on your relationship and get it on track again; when two partners can learn to work and deal with what comes up between them; learn to deal with difficulties and communicate their difficult feelings; a real trust can develop between them; then they can say to each other” I have seen your tricks” but I still want to move forward with you; this can help a couple to grow and develop an even deeper connection.
Counseling might be a great advantage to you both.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): Dont throw in the towel yet.... you need to address your trust issues with him and he needs to understand that he has, by his actions, destroyed all trust you had in him. he also needs to know that to rebuild that trust he has to be completely and utterly honest with you... all the time! It might be wise to put on hold any plans for having a family until these issues have been sorted out. You might consider going to a relationship counsellor to help you through this.
Honeygirl
...............................
|
