A
female
age
30-35,
*reamie Tofu
writes:Please help me im so heart broken. Should i stay or not? We went to the museum today everything was so fun.. When then he said lets go to (his friends names house) and he wanted to have sex but his friend was home. So i didnt want to of course i didnt...Especially with his friends home HELL NO right?... Wells we went into the room but i keep telling him i didnt feel like it and all and he got all mad and said you killed MY FUCKEN MOOD...and he then blamed it on me and said that i didnt want to because " I didnt want his friends to know i was fucking him and that is because he said i wanted to date his friends thats why i didnt want his friends to know.." Of course thats not the point..my point was i didnt want them to see me naked if anything happens..I didnt want them to hear what were doing inside its between us..why dont he understand and said that i wanted to keep my reputation so i can go out with his friends..That hurted me so bad..He pushed me to the floor so i held on to him so he would stop he yelled at me and left. I sat in the room crying and he came back in and told me to get the fuck out and hes gonna take me home and then i said i didnt want them to see me naked he kept saying NO YOU JUST WANT REPUTATION...He dragged me hella hard and i moved to the other side of the room. I finally gave in and left i wanted to walk home..But he resist and pushed me hella hard to the ground and he choked me and slap my face twice hella hard and he keep pushing me again and again until i realize i cant escape..i wanted to leave so i called my brother..He tooked my phone away and pushed me down again..I love him so much and i gave so much up for him no one would ever know..Should i stay or not..is he just doing it because he really think i wanted to date his friends...or he really wanted to hurt me..WHY ME!! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2008): Sweety, you have come onto this site and you told us a horrible story of emotional assult, sexual coercion, degradation and physical abuse. You are in a unhealthy relationship with this guy. In my books, there is absolutely no reason whatsoever, for a guy who is the stronger and more powerful--to ever physically hurt a female. This guy has inflicted enough degradation upon you. I am so sorry that this happened to you and at such a young age. But I am trying to understand why--you would ask whether you should stay or go? It's like you feel you need to forgive him? And that's ok. Forgiveness means not holding hatred in your heart. But forgiveness has nothing to do with allowing someone to continue having an undeserved position in your life only to harm you again.
I have spoken to adolecsent females your age about abusive relationships. I wondered why they were attracted to such a boor. They all said that a guy who treats them really nicely and decent, made them feel “funny.” They viewed a nice guy as weak. They view the abusive guy as macho, complicated, dark, moody...exciting! But what a price one pays to be in the life of an abuser. They sap the life energy out of you until your spirit dies. Your bf needs to learn that there are consequences to his bad behavior, including losing you. Part of your learning is learning not to accept less than the best from any man.
So now, do some thinking. You have to find out 'why' you could care for a guy who could get so angry, that he slapped you. Next time, you may not be this lucky. You have some emotional issues of your own that need work because as it stands right now, right here...I sense you don't feel you are good enough for a healthy, decent love. What this guys feels for you is not love, hun...not the kind of love many of us know. This is all about his own self-hate, his own evil at work here-this is his control and manipulation of you. He needs professional help...and only he can fix it, you can't fix him. And there are so many wonderful females out there that think their love will fix a guy like this. That's nuts-it doesn't work that way. Guys like this feel they are entitled, they have no respect for others and they take what they want. They are never wrong. Your love for him will have him keeping you right where he wants you...compliant and serving his needs.
Again, I am truely sorry this has happened you. Abuse is insidious and evil. What happened to you was not your fault, you are not a failure, you deserve to be happy and healthy, don't you. Start shifting the focus to yourself, today...love yourself enough to give you a happy life ahead. Fix that 'something' within you, that empty space that needs filling with a healthy love..give yourself the gift of renewing your life in a better way, by being courageous and walking away from this. This is truely the only way. You state that maybe he was mad because he thinks you want to date his friends. Could he not have just asked you? You are making an excuse for him and you are blaming yourself. Can't you see that? Don't ever, ever make excuses for a man who hits you. Get your strength back-empower your life. Get rid of this bum and choose the people who deserve to be in your life.
A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (1 September 2008):
 Patterns are so important. If he has it in him to behave that way once then you can be sure that the behaviour will resurface again and again. Get out of the situation as soon as you can. As Inyourdreams says, don't buy any apology that he tries to give you.Frankly, I'd be worried that a boy like that is going to try to do some damage to you by spreading stories about you. Be prepared and be strong. You did absolutely the right thing.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2008): Leave him! I agree with dearkelja, he's abusive, and he's treating you as a possesion! HE doesn't respect you. You deserve much better, plus you're so young, you should be experiencing the fun of adolescence rather than the suffering he's putting you through. Do tell trusted people about his behaviour though, especially guys (like your brother), in case he keeps being aggressive after you finish the relationship. Also, if he apologizes and seems genuinely sorry, don't buy it (be strong): this is typical from abusers, they act like you're the sweetest and most important person in the world, and that they're monsters, that they're so sorry, but it's just a facade... truth is, he'll do it again.
Good luck sweetie, you deserve so much more than this! Be strong!
...............................
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (1 September 2008):
 What this man did to you is abuse. He does not love you, you are a mere posession to him. I understand exactally why you did not want to have sex with his pals in the next room. Intimacy is something that is between the two of you, not the two of you and his pals so he can "show off to them that he's getting it."
These are the cold hard fact dear, he is not a nice person and you need to leave him immediately. Yes, you did so much for him but why put yourself in danger with him again and why do one more thing to take your self esteem down. This man wants to control you and have you on his terms and he truly doesn't care about you, your feelings or what you want.
Who cares about why he did what he did. Next time it will be some other trivial reason and next time he might just rape you or beat you up for a trip to the ER.
Life is too short and I am very sorry that you are in this situation. Why you, I can only say thank God you had the sense to post here and allow us to tell you to leave. You know what he did was wrong and there is no reason why he picked you. It is just your bad luck but all men are not like this and DO NOT let him get away with this. You could even report him for assult and battery.
Do not give your love to this man. Leave and do NOT accept any type of apology from him and DO NOT go back to him. These situations only escalate. Please. We all here care so much more about you than this man.
...............................
A
female
reader, ItsEmma +, writes (1 September 2008):
 DEFFINATLEY not. Do not stay with that jerk! He needs to respect you and your decisions, and he obviously dosen't. It sounds to me like he either a) Just wanted some actions, or b) Wanted to brag to his friends that he had sex in their house. On top of all that, he hit you! He actually HIT you. That is unforgivable. He will do it again if you stay with him, and maybe it'll be worse than a slap next time. Dump him. You deserve so much better.
~Emma
...............................
A
female
reader, blondie57 +, writes (1 September 2008):
are you seriously asking if you should stay with him?
hes a jerk. and cares wayyyyy too much about sex. you should NEVER let a guy treat you like that....EVER. love is no reason to stay with him. you will find someone better hun and you DESERVE someone better.
i watched my mom get beat by her husband all my life. it will only get worse if you stay with him.
leave him.
...............................
A
male
reader, brett785  +, writes (1 September 2008):
 well it up to u if u have sex with some 1 if u not ready and if u had sex with him pursnly just leave him
...............................
A
male
reader, Straight Up1  +, writes (1 September 2008):
 Do me a favour please.... read your question again..and pretend it was written to you by one of your close friends................ok... now what would you tell her ?? This guy is a complete Ass!! He is looking out for himself and his reputation only!!The "love" feelings you are talking about should be moving on after anyone hurts you in that way!! There are some really caring guys out there and will treat you like the girl you deserve.I would also talk to your brother about this...hopefully an older brother!! He will kick some jerk butt for ya!! What a punk!! hope you do the right thing sweetness!!
...............................
|
