A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Has anyone else here ever felt this way ?. I was seeing a guy for two months, and he stopped contacting me in May. I am 27, and he is 50. The age gap didn't bother me though, and it didn't seem to bother him. The last time i had a night out with him, he got threatened by this guy because he owed him money that he had borrowed from him for alcohol. Just before that happened, i had got in a bit of a mood with him because he wasn't very polite when he was telling me to buy him a drink, and he siad " she's paying for it " to the barmaid. Anyway, he ended up walking out of the bar without me, and i tried to call him to see where he was, and at first, he wouldn't answr his phone. When i did get through to him, i asked where he was, and he said " what do you want to know for ? ". At first , i thought he had just gone to another bar because of that guy who threatened him.I was scared too, as the guy who threatened him kept saying i was cute and kept trying to chat me up, and kept asking me to go outside with him . I didn't though. He kept asking me where my ex had gone too. I rang the guy i was seeing again later, and he agreed to meet me in another bar. I said something like i was the only one who had been upset about us arguing , and he said "oh, are you sure about that ? ". Two of my friends were with me, and they said they were going back to the other bar and we asked him to come with us, but he kept saying no. He said " you go with them if you want to,and find a younger guy ". He had never mentioned the age gap before.My other friends wen back to the other bar, and i stayed with him. We ended up bumping into his sister, who he hadn't seen for a long time, so we didn't get to sort out our arguement, as he was just talking to his sister and her friends. When his sister and her friends left,he gave one of hsi sisters friends a kiss on her hand, which annoyed me. I dont know why he did that. I told him it annoyed me, and he got angry and said he didnt want to see me anymore, as he thought i was too moody. He had some c.ds in a bag with him too and he stopped them on the floor and stomped on them in anger, which i thought was really childish. We ended up making up though, and i spent the night at his house. We did intimate thing, but not full intercourse. That was the first time we had done a lot of intimate things too. I went out with him again the next day, and he didn't mention the arguement we had had, so i thought everything was ok. Soon after that though, he started contacting me less, until eventually, he had stopped contacting me altogether. The last few texts i had from him were him telling me to enjoy my trip that i was going on for my birthday, and he said " we need to talk ", but he never did have that talk with me. He had also started a new job then , working nightshifts, so now he has two jobs. A while later, i bumped into one of his friends, and he told me that the guy i was seeing had spoken to him, while i was away on my trip, and he mentioned the arguement we had, and his friend said he had been crying. I don't know what else he said to him. His friend told me that he had said that he thinks the world of me though too.I spoke to one of is other friends about it too another time, and he also said that he had told him that he thought the world of me. I bumped into him once a few weeks ago. He was stood outside a bar smoking. I was with my uncle and his friend. We were walking past the bar , as we werealking to the train station . I stopped when i saw him, and said hello to him. He asked me who my uncle and his friend were, and i told him. I'm not sure if he asked because he thought one of them was my boyfriend or something and he was jealous, and might have still liked me, or if he was just being friendly, or was curious. What do you think ?. He asked how i had been, and i told him about how work was going . I asked him if i had done anything wrong, and he said i hadn't. I told him that i knew what he had said to his friend. There was silence for a few seconds, and then he said " go on " , and said " well, you know what you said " . and he said " i dont know what you mean ". My uncle came back then ( he and his friend had gone to the train station to check the time of the train ), and he told me that the train was nearly due. I asked if there was another train after that, but he said there wasn't.The guy i used to be seeing said he would call me the next day, but he didn't. I didn't beieve him when he said he would anyway.I still feel really upset over what happened,especially as i didn't really get any closure. I wish he had had that talk with me, and i can't understand why he didn't, unless he is a coward ?. I wish i knew what he really thought of me too, and i can't help wondering if it's my fault for what happened. The thing is though, he told me that he only had two relationships before he met me. One was when he was 24, an he lived with her for seven year, and the other was two years ago, but they weren't together for long. So, he had a long spell of not being in a relationship. I'm not sure if he had flings or anything during that time though. One of his friends once told him that he thought i was the best thing that had happened to him ,and told him he should have been treating me better. One of his other friends said " look after her " to him once.I'm that upset about it, i have kept avoiding going out around town, unless i have to, like, if i have an appointment somewhere, or need to go shopping. But, i haven't been out drinking aound there for ages.Whenever i go past the bars we went in together, i feel upset. It's a very small town, so it's so easy to bump into people, and all the bars we went in together are close to each other. I worry about bumping ino him again, as it made me feel really upset last time. I even worry about seeing him with another woman at some point. He did have a nice side too, and he can have a good sense of humour, and i have missed him a lot.He used to call and text me a lot too, and we met up a lot. Whenever i didn't get back to him straight away, say, if i was busy or something, he would keep contacting me, and once, when he thought he had upset me, he said he was worried sick, and said he hoped he hadn't upset me too much.That wasn't long before we had that arguement that day. I remember him sticking up for me once too, as this guy kept poking me ( he was weird ! ) .I remember another time, he said he felt like second best because his friend kept talking to me when he was sat with us.So, that made it seem like he cared too. I'm not sure how to act if i do see him again though. What do you think about it ?.
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jealous, money, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Arekkusu  +, writes (25 July 2011):
 Ok, I know for a fact that there are much better men out there for you. Find one that cares for you and likes/loves you for who you are, even if you're "moody." It should never matter... Jealousy is a very unattractive thing as well. That problem usually roots from something deep in that person.Do yourself a favor and cleanse yourself of this person. Cleanse yourself of the negativity in which he brings to your life. It's never easy to get over someone, especially when you don't get closure but protect yourself and forget him. Don't be bitter and/treat him like shit if you ever bump into him. Be nice and mature. Karma should balance things out in your favor....in the end.Not all men are like this, I guarantee you that. Some men are assholes and on their behalf, I'm sorry for that. I see it everyday and I am disappointed everyday. Sometimes I swear there's no hope in some men. There's a few good ones but most of the time, women look past them. Nice guys finish last and I know this first hand.I wish you good luck on finding one that you deserve. It wont be an easy task and it takes patience. What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. Learn from it and look out for the red flags. Life can throw lessons at you in the strangest forms. Decipher the problems and learn from them.Best of luck!
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (25 July 2011):
 This man is not worth your lamentation and he is not going to give you the closure you need.
But YOU can give yourself the closure you need by acknowledging a few things about him.
*He IS a coward!
*He left you in a bar with friends, but he also left you with someone that threatened HIM and tried to make a play for you.
* He is moody, rude, childish, etc.
*He does not have a good history of relationships in his past.
*He has said or implied a few times that he would talk to you, but he just blew you off.
This man did not respect you at all dear. Get the closure you need by aknowledging that the relationship was ONLY 2 mos..8 weeks..so many encounters, etc...
You heal, by letting go of something that was not good for you and did not add any real value to your life.
Yep, it might be uncomfortable to cross paths with him again, but make sure you are surrounded with people YOU enjoy and have YOUR best interests at heart.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 July 2011):
 I think you've gotten all the closure you can expect out of this guy. But it really didn't sound like it was anything more than a casual relationship anyhow. I'd start fishing again if I were you. A younger guy might not have as much baggage by the way.
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