A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a college student who has come from the UK to America, and I just don't know what to do romantically. I am rather anhedonic, so I have difficulty just relaxing and having fun with women. I'm not good at all at social banter or small talk.There is one girl I really like who's really fun-loving and excitable; but I just don't know how to do anything other than talk to her as a friend, and in kind of an uptight way too. I really want to ask her out, but I don't know where to go, or how to ask, and even if I went on a date with her, I just don't have the flirting gene. I'm just incapable of anything other than quite serious conversations. She is very social and very excitable with her friends, none of whom (of course) I know; however, she is also smart and talks to me quite seriously when we do meet. She also mentioned one time just needing to spend most of her day alone (not as a brush-off, but talking about her weekend), so I wonder if she has deeper interests.I asked her, via text (seeing as we only regularly see one another twice a week), if she wanted to get lunch or dinner at the weekend. I don't know what to make of her responses. Her first said Sunday might be good; her second made an excuse. The excuse is probably absolutely valid, but I guess that I don't know how to recognize a brush-off. I'd really like to take her out some time, but I could really do with some advice on what her reactions mean, if anything, and what the best way to proceed is for me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): she is having second thoughts, so she is distancing herself from you. Go with the flow, back off. Let her do the running and in the meantime get on with your life. It may work, it may not. But if you pester her, when she is signalling a back off, you will lose her. And do not put your life on hold waiting for her to revise her thinking in your favor.
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