A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I cheated about 7 months ago. I had been unhappy for years, tried to tell my husband but he brushed me off. Not that he's bad, he's great, just oblivious. He told me he always thought that the fact that he loved me so much was enough, he didn't understand why I was unhappy. He's not a bad guy, he's devoted and sweet, i just have been unhappy for the majority of our 6 year relationship. I have always felt terrible for feeling this way, any woman in the world would be glad to have him, why wasn't I?Then I cheated. I remember hearing about other people cheating and being appalled. It's easy to say "I'd never do that!" But one minute I was trudging through my life becaue I felt he didn't deserve to be hurt and the next I was head over heels for another. I make no excuses, I was wrong. I did horrible things. Here's the (bigger) problem...I found out after a few months that Mr.Amazing was actually Mr.Con man, lierally. I went through a whole crisis. He made me feel wanted and loved, fulfilled everything I felt I was missing, and then I found out it was all lies. It's been about 4 months now and my Husband and I have attempted to regain and rebuild past what we lost. He loves me intensely, believes that we are supposed to be together, claims that I am the only one for him weather I decide to stay with him forever or not. I have been totally honest with him now, he knows everything.We have our fights still, and I thought we were making progress. Some days I have my doubts but I truly thought we were moving forward.Today I found some emails that bothered me. (I was checking for an email that was supposed to be forwarded to him,he's always given me permission to check his email.) I thought it might be in the junk folder so I checked, I found some questionable emails there so I checked the sent folder. He has been propositioning women for sex, I believe through casual encounters on craigslist. This doesn't make sense to me, he goes on about how he needs me and loves me, he's always been a sweet guy, this is totally out of character. I know I cheated, but is it right to tell me that he wants to work it out while purposely trying to cheat?I don't know what to do, I feel totally drained... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, coolrebbeca +, writes (28 April 2009):
I agree with the person below. You can not justify being upset. Tell me how long did you cheat. Did you stop from guilt or did you just get caught. If it was the second maybe you should be a little easier on him and work more on yourself.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): WHY are you so upset, you had sex with someone else, surely your husband can now indulge in what you were doing. you are not even sorry you cheated, you are just upset that he now wants some action too. what is good for his goose is very good for this gander, it will seem.
the tone of your responses make me very worried - you seem like a controlling person. it's all about you. please re read your responses, what do you think???
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A
female
reader, beth39 +, writes (27 April 2009):
Have you ever known your husband to do anything like this before. It sounds to me like he is hurting from what you did to him. You say you are still fighting a little, is there anything you have fought about recently that would make him lash out like this. With the way you describe him it does not sound like he would have acted on the emails. But then again you never know. You should confront him and find out if anything happened. Think of how your hurting and you don't know weather he cheated or not. I imagine he is still hurting and this is his way of lashing out. It sound like you are both very confused on what you want. After you talk to your husband you both need to decide on weather you still want to try and work things out. If you both say you want to. Then you should go to marriage counseling and try to resolve some of your issues. I hope this helped...
Good luck
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A
male
reader, previasc96 +, writes (26 April 2009):
You have no clue how much you damaged you husband psychologically and damaged his sexual feelngs for you. He could still love you greatly but not have the sexual passion for you anymore because you gave yourself to another man. He's wrong for going outside the relationship though.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2009): I agree with both of the other posters... you are both on a level playing field.. and paybacks a bitch...that is his way of hurting you....I have had my own paybacks so I understand where you are coming from....the best thing you could do is tell him how you found them and that you understand... and will be patient if he wants to leave that is something you will accept .. if not, then you will both (mainly you) work hard to rebuild the trust..
one other note.. how do you know he did not just leave that there for you to find? `I mean if he gave you permission to go in there and he did not want you to really know then he would have deleted it...
also men have a tendensy to make women break up with them... so they will cause a fight or what ever they think will take for you to break up with them... either way .. you need to have the final talk...
good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is not sufferring sexually, it's been 4 months and we are quite sexaul. We both are very sexual people.
He came home and I did confront him. HE says it's because he was so mad at the time. So what's to stop him next time he gets mad?
He still swears he wants to be with me but as you can read from the little excerpt earlier, I don't know if I can believe that. I love him but we have been through alot and we just keep losing pieces. I feel like a rope that's fraying...
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (26 April 2009):
 I suspect your wonderful husband is not exactly the saint you've made him out to be. He's a man. And if you've been pre-occupied with someone else for awhile, he found his own form of entertainment. It's not right, but I suspect that while you were having an affair you were not exactly fulfilling his sexual needs and he went looking out of necessity. Come clean about finding his e-mail secret. Now you're both on a level playing field and hopefully you'll both be more protective of your relationship from here on out. No more outsiders. I wish you the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just don't get why he would put so much time into us if he doesn't want me. I know I screwed up, I can't change it, but I try to do the right things and show him I am working for us daily.
He swears i am the only one for him. Tells me he needs me. Why is he doing this?
Excerpt from his email:"Theres not much about me I am very athletic and love the outdoors. I am married but recently cheated on so I do not care as much anymore about remaing faithful."
This is the exact opposite of what he tells me. Is this the way he really feels? Why wouldn't he tell me he wanted to leave?
Hell, he even has an account on here too...why is he trying to fix things if all he wants is to screw other people?
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A
male
reader, romance_boy18  +, writes (26 April 2009):
 one word - karma, but my second guess is he wants to get even. men do that alot, when there cheated on they always have 3 options.
1. forgive and forget.
2. leave that person.
3. get even.
life is hard and painful, but we have to try and be happy. i hate that we all have to sometimes hurt someone to be happy. i hope things work out somehow hun
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