A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a question for the women out there. I was wondering'if your man asked you to marry him and you said yes. Then 2 weeks later he came to you crying because he had a confession to make. He cheated just last night. How bad would this effect you knowing that he just asked you to marry him. Would this be worse because of the timing. Could you ever get over it and move on if it truly was a mistake that he wished never happened? Would things ever be the same? Does his actions show that he never even meant that life changing question that you said yes to? What would you do and would you still want to be with him? If so, how would you treat him in the future?This happened to me. I did this and it still hurts me when I think about how stupid I was. I can't believe that I cheated 2 weeks after I asked my girlfriend to marry me. I went to a party with my cousin because we were celebrating his return from the war. I was drunk as hell (not to use an excuse)but I remenber being horney when this woman asked me to go upstairs with her because she needed a mans touch. That's what she said anyways. She really ended up wanting a mans you know what. Damn I feel bad for my stupid choice. Why would I do something so stupid. I shouldn't have had sex with that woman. All I can remember about that night is her taking her top off while strattling my lap. All I could see was d sized perky titties in my face. The next thing you know she is screaming I'm about to cum. I didn't even get that hard for her. I remember having trouble keeping it up. I was so drunk that when I left she asked for my phone number and I accidently gave her my fathers number. He told me that she called like 5 times the next day trying to get in touch with me.Am I a dog for this? I want to be a good man for my wife. We still ended up getting married but sometimes I can tell that this bothers the hell out of her. Any opinions on how I can ease her memories and thoughts when we are together. I want her to believe that I am sorry and love only her.
View related questions:
cousin, drunk, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): I feel that you are looking for easy answers here. Trying to convince your wife? So you can get to the point where everything is happy and comfortable again?!! For who? Your wife needs to figure out her feelings, wants and needs first. This could take a seriously long time in normal circumstances, but your timing was indeed bad - what if the shoe was on the other foot? How would you deal with it?
You realise that a huge % of women dream for years about their perfect man and wedding, and every womens worst fear, (if not the man willingly drifting off,) is that some silly slut will take advantage of their man at a vunerable moment (conveniently finding their dicks ready to go... - magic! Did you use protection?!) I personally would probably loose my mind before the relationship got anywhere near to functionable again!
There is no word for how your poor wife felt/feels, and goodness knows how she still married you after! I wouldn't have made it to the alter. Maybe she wanted to avoid the humilation of cancelling the wedding and having everyone know how you 'treated/valued' her?! Maybe she cannot face or recognise that this supposed man of her dreams would ever do this to HER, when she gave her all to you? Her denial maybe creeping up like a reoccuring nightmare!!! It would for me...
Luckily for you, she did go down that aisle AND sai yes. You have been given a second chance. Please just remember that no material goods will make up for this, although the thoughtful ones may help. (many ladies would expect this in a normal relationship!?!)
Make a concious effort to comprimise on the smallest of things...truely appreciate what you have - because if you're honest with yourself, you are truely lucky to have it. With this in mind, your actions should come naturally and your genuineness should come with it.
Imagine how your life may have turned out? Why did you propose to her in the first place?
How on earth did some silly slut get over your lap?! (These sluts don't care whose life they ruin, devastate - you must have been aware they exist?! and actually parting with a phone number!?!)
I would be inclined to question your true wants, and whether you are deserved of advice and your lady. I'm sorry. I guess the best bit of advice I can think of is put yourself in her shoes - it should help you on your way!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008): you made a mistake and i can see your truly sorry for what you did,just show her how much you love her and be there for her any couple who truly love each other will be able to move on from this with alot of determination,good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008): "Am I a dog for this?" Yes, but she forgave you. Don't keep bringing it up or feel guilty about it, your both seemed to have moved on from it. Really the questions you should be asking yourself, why did I cheat. Yes you were drunk but it's not really an excuse. I don't think anyone really in love would cheat, even more so if you just got engaged!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008): I would be absolutely devastated if my boyfriend cheated on me. It would certainly open my eyes to the fact that I would probably never be able to totally trust him ever again. If I was totally convinced by my boyfriend's words and actions that he would never ever do it again (and I think in all honesty very few would ever be totally convinced it would never again) then I might be prepared to give the relationship a second chance... with a few conditions. After all, after what he has done, he would be in no position to be able to object to that.
I would certainly think that the marriage proposal wasn't serious.
In future, never ever get drunk, particularly as bad as that ever again and don't put yourself in situations like that. I have lost count of the number of guys who have done this to their partners and then deeply regretted it. I had one male friend of mine who kissed another girl behind his girlfriend's back while he was drunk and he was absolutely mortified about it and asked me advice about whether he should tell his girlfriend about it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008): Dear "Cheated"
Trust is earned and that takes time. You must earn her trust by being a loving, devoted husband.
Above all, try to understand that she may be somewhat distrustful in the beginning, and cut her some slack! She may questions your "comings and goings" to the point of annoyance, however, she has good reason not to trust you completely. Beginning a relationship with distrust is difficult, and it will take hard work on your part to build that trust. Be patient and understanding of her feelings. Good Luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008): My husband did this very shortly after we got married. He told me and I was horrified and upset. I wanted to discuss every detail in great depth, over and over again. i wanted to know why he did it, why he felt the need etc etc. He too was very drunk, was with friends and I suppose was led astray. Unfortunately 6 years went by and he did it again and then another 4 years and yet again. For me it would have helped if my husband had been really sorry and all I can say is that you must tell her how much you love her, that she is the only one for you and answer any questions she may have, however many times she chooses to ask you about it. Buying lots of flowers and gifts also helps and doing romantic things to make her feel special. I know these things happen and in time she will definitely forget, I did - it just fades away as you work at your marriage, plan children, buy houses etc.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008): You shouldn't be suprised about this, and if she actually asks for a divorce because she can't take it, you have only yourself to blame. Don't ever blame anything on her, or that shes exaggerating because you try coping with someone you thought you loved cheating on you - however sorry you may be.
I suggest you try and live with life as normal, or how you would and try and relieve yourself from the emotional strain. If she seems to be struggling try and talk about it but don't pressure her, and don't expect this to be quick or ever over.
In all honesty she deserves someone better.
...............................
|
