A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So i've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half.. the first year of our relationship i was really good to him, and i guess you can say i was stupid too.. i didn't party or have any guy friends, i told him everything, i did whatever he said to make him happy. I spent about a whole year and more at home or always with him, i mean during the year i didn't mind it at all. Then just a few months ago, i found out that he had been lying to me for about 14 months of our relationship.. he snuck away to many parties and etc, he would visit girls he had previous relationships with, and never told me. And throughout the first year, he didn't trust me and i never understood why.. he had his good days and bad, there were days that he just treated me so horribly and others where it was amazing..and i suppose you can say i'm not as sweet as i used to..and now he's changing, and i can actually see him trying to make things work because he's realized all the things he's done to me has broke me down..the other day i went to a guy's house, a guy i've known for about 4 years, and i had a previous fling with him, everything was going fine, we were just catching up (we haven't spoken for about 2 years) and etc, then out of no where things got more serious, we were cuddling, holding hands, and we even hooked up (kissing), and then we stopped, and like the moment our lips touched the first thing i thought was "omg i cant believe this", but at the same time i didn't want to stop.. and whatever we stopped.. but the thing is i don't feel guilty whatsoever, i think about it and i feel my heart beat fast and my body turn hot.. i don't feel bad for my boyfriend, i haven't told him, and i just feel like theres something wrong with me? i just really don't know what to do.. i really do love my boyfriend so much, i just don't know what to do..P.S- my boyfriend has never cheated on me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010): Hey!
Perhaps youre a person who naturally separates physical contact from emotions and you do this subconsciously. Ive finally learned to do this as I am or was a very emotional guy. Not worth it to me to invest my emotions into something so natural for us humans. Id say that since you dont attach these emotions to contact ( ie you have no remorse for your actions), then you should be out dating more and not be looking to be exclusive as it just doesnt make sense for you to give your attention to just one man right now.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello Trancedrhythmear,
I'll give you some more information about my boyfriend and i's situation..we went to grade school together, i've known him since i was 4 years old, we became bestfriends for a few years and always had a thing for each other, finally 2 years ago we told each other how we felt and became an official couple..we've been through a lot in the past few years.. he was very controlling and he realizes it now and i know hes very sorry, but i feel like him being sorry this late doesnt make a difference, because its like i wasted a year of my life/relationship doing nothing or having any fun while he was..my boyfriend has never cheated me, that i am 100% sure of.. as i said, he is changing very much, and hes becoming so amazing again.. what i dont understand is why did i cheat when hes been treating me so good lately ? does it make me a bad person b/c i cheated on him ?
I feel like i love my boyfriend, but i dont feel the same i did before..i think i just got tired emotionally after everythings hes done and said to me.. he notices a change in me and is constantly asking if i still love him the same because he feels like im not as sweet as i used to be.. i tell him hes wrong..
and the thing with the other guy, i used to like him before me and my boyfriend got together, i admit throughout the relationship i did think of this guy, and just recently we got in contact (secretly), and we just decided to hangout and like i said, we were cuddling and hold hands and flirting, and then it just happened.. its been 3 days since its happened, and i dont know what to do about the way i feel.. its like when i think about it, i dont feel guilty, and besides that its like it never happened..
Thank you so much for responding to me
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A
female
reader, JackieW0719 +, writes (2 October 2010):
 Truthfully, your relationship probably should have ended long before now. Doing things and being a certain way just to make someone else happy is never a good thing. When the relationship ends, you are left wondering who YOU are.
He has lied to you, snuck off behind your back, met with his exes, do you really believe that he has never cheated on you? A mutually respectfully relationship does not include sneaking off, seeing exes, going to parties alone or things like that. It is based on trust and respect from and for both parties.
Not feeling guilty about what happened with the other guy? That is a clear red flag. Your relationship has had several red flags. It appears that it is most definitely time to break it off.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): Hi there!I once had a GF of 5.5 years and three years in she kissed a guy while we were both exclusive. I even knew the guy, in fact, had good relations with him. I forgave her. However, learning from that (since she got up cold and left me for another guy), Id say your relationship is in danger. As in, it could be sign for you guys to declare an open relationship or to break it off entirely. She regretted yes, and you didnt. However, the fact the incident occurred for both of you is a sign of the heart things need to change in the dating scene. Also, do not do things to make a man happy just cause he says. Ive done this to a woman and a woman has done it to me. Ive been on both ends. You need to be yourself in relationships and if youre a mingler youre a mingler. You are entitled to trust after a bit. If he doesnt have a reason not to trust you, then no boundaries should be set. Otherwise, thats just flat out controlling. On the flip side, he went and did things that he forbid u to do which is pure hypocrisy and supports a strong conclusion this guy is very immature. That also presents a one sided, uncompromised situation and relationships are two streets miss. You deserve that.Kind Regards
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