A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need some unbiased advice, which I am unable to gather from my friends or family.I've been with someone for a while now and we only seem to have one problem--he is friends with his ex. Never on a one-on-one basis, but she is apart of his group of friends. Aware that it is best to let the past stay in the past but unable to do so, I have an issue with this. Well before him I was with somebody for years who ended up having a long-term affair with his ex. This has haunted me ever since.My current boyfriend is aware of the uncomfortable feelings I harbor towards him and his friendship, and I'm not exactly the type of person to say "you can't be friends with someone" but now I'm becoming increasingly aware of the fact that this is something that is becoming very hard for me to accept. It has also come to my attention that we (him and I) were invited on a vacation with the group, which I opted out of but he still would like to go. This makes me uncomfortable. I'd appreciate any thoughtful advice on the situation. Thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2012): As long as it isn't inappropriate shouldn't be a problem. I actually became best friends with my wife's ex, and has been nothing but beneficial for the both of us.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2012): Hi,I hope this helps you.You are not at all the first girl this has happened to and everything you feel is totally normal.The scars of your past experience have obviously not been properly healed and if it wasnt with this boyfriend it would have still happened with another. To be honest it is a good sign that this guy can still be friendly with an ex, so many ppl have bitter break ups and are immature and it shows something of his character that he is able to just be civil and nice to her and move on with you.Another thing is, the guy who cheated on you with his ex, that was him. This is a completely different human being you are with now. Acting insecure or in any way threatened by his friendship with his ex is not going to win you any brownie points with him, and its certainly not going to help your R-ship one bit. Its time to just stop what your ex did from tainting and contaminating your views on men and their ex's. If he ever in the future does anything suspicious with his ex then absolutely you would have a right to be weary and upset, but as of now, you have no reason to be worried. If you have the kind of r ship I think you two do, then please have a quick chat with him and say I have been acting like this because of my past, I will try and make the effort not to think that way. Another suggestion I have that has worked for friends of mine, is to get to know the ex, I guarantee you that you will soon see there is nothing to be insecure about and that she is probably moved on herself and not even slightly interested in your man and you have been worrying for nothing all along :)
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