A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years now. He has broken up with me a few times then comes right back to me apologizing and claiming that he didn't know what he was thinking.Our last break up was because he left me for another girl. Almost four months later he asked me back out and I said yes. Now I can't stop thinking about why we broke up and I feel like he's just going to keep breaking up with me. I don't feel secure in the relationship and I'm not sure if I want to be with him. He's showing me a lot of improvement but I think about what happened everyday. I am really in love with him. What should I do??Please help me..
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all your advice!! I have some thinking to do, you guys really gave me a new perspective. I'll let you know how it goes
A
male
reader, Aunty Tommy  +, writes (19 August 2009):
 Right, im sorry to hear about your relationship problems here. But I am going to be blunt, if he has left ya before what makes u think he will stick with you this time? He is having his cake and eating it. Time to decide whether you want to be treated like a princess or a pauper. Your still young and there are plenty of guys out there. Once you decide that you should be treated by a princess you will find someone to treat you right. all the time you let this guy leave ya and come back your letting him treat you like second best. thats not good enoughGood luck and let me know how you get on
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): Ok so my experience is all i can offer u... I was with my ex for over 5 years and just like you we would break up (correction hed breakup with me always)every so often for various reasons ranging from : its summer i need more time with my friends, im going back to school i need to focus on my studies to i think im in love with someone else... Every time he would leave i would be a wreck crying and praying that he'd come to his senses and realise how "we" were meant to be because we trully were best friends and our sex life was very good. Unfortunately, everytime hed leave hed come back, hed call with this wounded puppy voice saying he didnt deserve me and he thought being away from me for A B or C reasons was right but now he knows we are soul mates and he is willing to wait for me in the rain for the next 100 years to come around and blah blah blahhhhhhhh. He'd sweeten me up and break me down and we'd get back together and it would just be amazing. For a month or sometimes even 4-5 months straight. I am sad to say I wasted 5 years of my life waiting for him to "realize" and never became strong enough to say no to him. My friends became tired of my stories, i became sick at my weakness and i found myself unhappy during the months that we were together waiting for the day that another little cute thing would cross his path making him leave me!On our last break up i met someone by chance even though i wasnt ready he showed me what it means to win someone and work to keep them everyday. Today its almost been 2 years since our last break up and to this day i still get calls and msgs from him begging me to come back! BUT you know what... today i know better, i know that the man im with loves me and never needs time alone, never needs to breakup, he never even wants to talk about anything close to a breakup because he has realized!!! Dont be like me and wait for him to grow up or change, dont make excuses for him and if in ur relationship ur more sad in ur head than happy its already over... because the sad reality is and im sure u know it deep inside that he is not trully 100% in love with u and he never will be!!! Go find that person who is dying to meet u and be in love with u... dont wait another 2 years....dont wait another second
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): Well, if you are only 21 or younger, then having a boyfriend you met as a teenager become a successful long term relationship, would be unusual. People change a lot from the ages up to 25, mostly because your brains aren't even done developing until then, and you make poor choices or doubt yourself quite a bit.
One sign of an unhealthy relationship is the on again off again nature of it, and leaving you for another girl is a pretty good sign the guy at least in this equation is immature and doesn't really know what he wants.
My advice is to put off marriage to him for quite awhile, date and build the trust back and if you can't then if you break up again, make it the last break up and move on for good. No one needs to be in a yo yo relationship, it isn't healthy and does not make for a happy life. After all love is often a matter of timing, perhaps you two need to go and pursue your lives on your own, you are young and haven't really been single have you? How do you know for sure what you want to do in life or who would be the best for you to be married too? Just some food for thought.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): Most readers will 'condemn' my advice as bad, but I believe that many people do not quite learn after one bad relationship or one mistake. Some people require many failures before they can realize and accept that they need to move on. In this scenario, you obviously feel insecure in this relationship, yet you accept him back. Therefore, you 'should' continue to allow him to break your heart numerous times, until you finally wake up to how ridiculous this is and finally move on one day.Until then, continue to allow him to give you that possibility of further heartbreak. I am curious about something: when you said "I am really in love with him." - what exactly do you mean by that? I find that the broadest shade of 'love' by definition seems to be very diluted and shallow, considering such shallow and paper-thin relationships like yours.
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