A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I do need help. I have a boyfriend who lives with 2 singles guys. Sometimes I go and spend a night there or most the time he comes here to my place (i live alone).last week he invited me to come over, when i was in the closet searching for a jacket i found a empty packages of condoms on the floor. I showed him and he said I dont know, it must be from my rommie. well, he took the packages and went outside and asked the guys who came over his room because I found that and one of then said, oh i am sorry it was my friend "Mo" who came the other night with a girl..so I asked, who is "Mo? my bf told me is a friend of us and he came here is because he lives with his family (parents, sisters.) so he cant have woman over..so while we were talking about this , someone knock the door, and there he is "Mo" with the girl...so my bf approached him and took him outside and asked him about it, he admitted yes it was him and that girl..so the girl felt bad and came clean and apologize. i told the girl that i dont agree with the fact that random people come to sleep in my bf's room and in his bed...she apologize again and out of the blue this guy "Mo" grabbed her hand and took her to the bathroom and he said sorry guys since we cant use the bedroom we are going to use the shower....i was furious with my bf and his roommates, i told them how easy for all their guy friends come over with random woman for free hotel..my bf got mad at me because i was arguing with his roommate. i am mad about all this is because like a month ago his roommate met a girl and brought she over, next day when he woke up he couldn't find his wallet and his car keys. when he went outside to see if his wallet was in his car, the car was gone!!! he called the cops and made a police report..2 weeks after the detective of his case said the car was found in Houston TX! anyway he recovered his car but the experience and the bad moment seems like is was nothing to him, before that I bought for my bf a nice perfume for his birthday and i know he kept it in the bathroom, one day the perfume was gone..and i know is every time that his roommate brings girls over something disappear..i talked to my bf about it and i told him this is no safe to do, and how come he cant no be safe in his own place? the laptop, iphone, jewlery, is just hiding! their lease ends in may and i suggested him to find a smaller place for him and the other guy who is a decent guy , first he said yes i am tired of this situation, but last night i asked him again and he said not we are actually just renew this lease and we are still the same.... i know i cant make any rule in that place since i dont live there, but the fact that his roommate brings random woman and things disappear from the house is driving me nuts! plus the guys frineds that are coming for a "free hotel room" I dont know how to manage this situation. Thanks.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 March 2016):
 Ehr.. these are the things you must expect when living with roommates and not having your private space. He can either buy a lock to his door and keep all his things there, or he can move out, but seeing as your boyfriend is not the one with the problem here, he wont be doing anything! You are the one with the problem, and the only option you have here, really, is accepting the situation OR dump your boyfriend.
Honestly, it's not YOUR things that get stolen, so take a chill pill. You need to let your boyfriend be a man and let him have his pride, you're not his mom, and behaving the way you do is unattractive in a woman. Men want a girlfriend, not their mother! You get upset like he was a child who couldn't take care of his toys. That's gonna put him right off you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2016): Yes, they are 3 guys in their early 30's but seems like 18's years old
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 March 2016):
 Am afraid that there really is nothing that you can do here, yes he is your boyfriend and you are worried, but he is also responsible for himself and his own choices, you cannot give out if someone uses his room as it is none of your business, however he should give out as to me this is not acceptable. However it doesn't seem to bother your boyfriend. Therefore I think you need to accept this. I think your anger stems more from the fact that your boyfriend allows this to happen. If it was me I would not be staying over, as it sounds gross. Maybe you could have him come stay with you and leave it at that. I don't think anything you will say will get him to change his mind, he seems happy living like this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 March 2016):
 Buy your BF a NICE storage locker/foot locker with a LOCK on it to keep those things he doesn't want stolen. And maybe suggest he puts a lock on his room.
Secondly, accept that your BF has CHOSEN to live with these people. And if they steal his stuff, THAT is on him. As he is living with them.
He is in his 30's. So he IS a grown man and SHOULD be able to set some boundaries for HIS room IF... he so chooses. The notion that other people are having sex in the bed he sleeps in - it's GROSS to me. And I would NOT want to sleep over. Yuck. But obviously your BF doesn't seem to think it's a problem.
So If I were you I'd avoid sleeping over at his place.
Your suggestion for a smaller place with just one (decent) room mate was a good one, but again... not what your BF wants.
It honestly sounds like a bunch of VERY young and immature guys living together, not guys in their 30's.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2016): Unfortunately, your only voice in this roommate situation is to refuse to spend the night in a bed shared by who knows how many and a bathroom used by who knows what. You cannot trust the cleanliness of the towels, the sheets or any of the furniture.....this is a frat house. You cannot leave anything of yours, and anything of value of your boy friends will be stolen so think twice about buying him expensive gifts. You will probably have to move on this man is living like a 22 year old living in a college dorm.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (11 March 2016):
 Hi,
i hear you, i understand the situation isn't good and isn't proper in numerous ways, however, you said it!
You don't live there and you really have no rights to try and make changes where you don't see fit.
I mean, if your bf can tolerate all these "goings on", appear very liberal, then he obviously has no REAL issue with it, even though he says he does.
He may actually like his male friends and their friends coming over and as he isn't married and the two of you don't live together, he is simply doing as he and his mates see fit.
If you are this bothered by his mates and their mates dropping by, especially the one who you don't like, then sit your bf down and express your trues feelings to him again.
Let him know that you're concerned about random folk dropping by to use his bedroom, bathroom, etc;.
Also, mention the missing items and how you suspect the items have been stolen by somebody visiting.
I do agree with you that ones home, refuge and place of privacy and peace, should never be used by random people, especially if it's for sexual or abusive purposes.
If you have an issue with one of these guys, then tell your bf about him and why you feel the way you do.
At the end of the day, you can say all you like and be upfront and honest with your bf, but if HE has no real issue with it, or if he makes no immediate and specific changes, then you know you're wasting your time and you may have to drop the topic, or at least, until he decides to talk about it and he may never.
I do wish you and your bf all the best. :-)
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