A
female
age
36-40,
*ay-Girl
writes:My story is long and I really hope someone can help with it because it's been tearing at me ever since it's happened. In my first year university I met a boy and he asked me out, we started out great, he seemed to be everything I asked for. My parents liked him, my friends adored him, he even told me he would wait for me for sex (because it would have been my first time).After about 5 months, our relationship fell apart and at 6 months we broke up. Two weeks after we broke up he had a new girlfriend... So after two years, he is still with this new girlfriend and I am alone, all the time we decided it was too awkward to see each other so we just avoided one another. So after two years he randomly sends me a message telling he'd like to get together some time. I wasn't against it, he had a girlfriend and I didn't but I was completely over him. So we go out and he begins to tell me that he was clinically depressed during almost our entire relationship and that he has regretted breaking up with me ever since it happened. He even told me that he speaks to his therapist about me and he calls me "The girl that got away"Ever since that day we had continued to keep in touch, because he obviously wanted to stay a part of my life and I made sure to tell him that even if he breaks up with his girlfriend, there was no chance at us ever having a relationship.So, he is still with his girlfriend at this point and I had found someone as well and that's when things started to go downhill. He started telling me again how much he loved me and then starts to tell me about his girlfriend, how she cheats on him and how much she resents him for things he says. I see pictures of them together and they look more than happy. But I continue to give him advice about his situation but he doesn't listen.Anyways, just recently he has broken up with his girlfriend and I have, happily, stayed with my boyfriend, and he continues to ask me to go out with him and he tells me he loves me.For some reason I can't let him go. I think a part of me will always wonder what would have happened if we had stayed together, but the other part is screaming that he is emotionally and mentally unstable and I would only be hurting myself. I can't help but pity him and want or need to know what he's doing. I found myself checking up on him and continually talking to him and assuring him.A few weeks ago he told me that he thinks I'm throwing my life away with my current boyfriend, and I thought it was an attempt to push me away so I could be happy (he tried to do this often, trying to make himself the good guy, I guess to make himself feel better too) I told him I didn't appreciate anything he said and that he shouldn't throw stones when he lives in a glass house. I haven't talked to him since. It has actually been a month since that day and I still find myself thinking about him. And I'm not too sure why.Don't get me wrong.. I absolutely do not love him, he treated me poorly and I'm pretty sure I never did love him.What should I do about this? I want to call him really badly just to see how he is or how he's doing, but I'm afraid that I'm leading him on or he'll make me feel terrible again, or worse. Why do you think I feel so strongly about knowing what he's doing all the time? I can't understand it myself. If you have any questions or something wasn't clear you can email me,Sorry for the length and thank you for reading and your help:)
View related questions:
broke up, depressed, my ex, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PunkyPippi  +, writes (23 January 2009):
 Okay, I went through this same situation...
my boyfriend and I were together for over a year, and he broke up with me several times, and then I found out he was using drugs and that was the last straw. We were apart for a few months and he told me he loved me and wanted me back. He said he as bipolar and taking medicine and that his life was under control.
I refused to date him again, but I did try to become his friend. If I would ever start dating anyone else, he would become upset, say that he KNEW I loved him, and that we would be together. I got married, and for the first few years of my marriage, I attempted to remain friends with him, but he would always revert to his habit of telling me I was in love with him, etc.
I finally had to cut off all contact with him because it was so weird and it made me uncomfortable.
Back in September he killed himself, because his life was too hard for him to live any longer.
The lesson here is that your ex is trying to control you through telling you that your current relationship is wrong, isn't working, etc...but your ex is just a miserable person inside.
You cannot be friends with him because he will always see it as you holding on to him so someday you can get back together.
Trust me, you need to break off all contact. I know you care about him, but befriending him is just going to lead him on no matter how innocent your concern for him is.
Good luck.
|
