A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, i split with my gf of over three years a couple weeks ago, her decision, feelings changed . gone, lost faith cos of arguments ages ago when we were rocky, but we sorted that out and seemed to be getting on with the issues not returning and at least totally living in the ways she wanted, with love affection, security etc but alas the damage to her feelings were already done.we have a 8 month old baby together so i knew we would have to stay in contact and see each other and she left the house as it was "for the best" she couldnt get benefits sorted while under the same roof as she doesnt have a penny coming in as when she finished it, i said i would continue to pay bills and support our son but obviously dont need to be giving her spending money any more(i paid all the bills and gave her the choice between working, working part time or being at home - she chose at home and i earn enough to support that)So she left the house and went to her mums, (before this, when she told me there was a problem with feelings i busted my back to try and do the right thing for her to hope they would come back and even when we finished - kicked off by her kissing someone else and me finding out - i said i loved her and will always want her and hope she changes mind)Well like i said she moved to her mums and i cut all contact and saw it was over, it hurt, but it was out of my hands and so planned it all out, clear her stuff out of sight, clean house (she was very untidy), go back to the gym, work hard, see mates, go away from town on weekends and stay with friends to lick my wounds so i could in a few months go out in town, see her, and be fine with it. I didnt want to face that until i was a bit down the healed road.Anyway after a week of no contact she comes in to my work with our lad, i played with him, spoke politely to her, and she said she may have a new place sorted, but it would take time and she didnt like it at her mums and MAY have to move back in. I said no, and she got a bit annoyed, then she tried to find out what i was doing on the weekend - i told her i was going away, she got stroppy and walked out then started texting saying "I am moving back in TOMORROW, i have to, cant get my name off tenancy, it best for our son til we find somewhere blah blah.I went away anyway, and she didnt come back until the day i got back from being away. I said i was sleeping in the bed as i didnt want her back and am getting on with life, and if she HAD to be there, it not include the bed. She got mad said our boy slept in our room so she was sleeping there. (he is in basket that can be picked up and moved in seconds)So the last four nights, there we are, being polite but over, her not going back on finishing, looking for a new place, sorting benefits, getting on with life and acting and telling people it is over we, we drifted apart and she is planning a future and her feelings are gone for me and she has moved on, but then sleeping in same bed, and each night i have woken to find to find her leg and arm draped over me.Neither of us can move out - her due to money, me due to the fact i have two slightly older kids who come and stay two nights a week, i pay the bills, cant lose deposit, the agent of the house is my companies (which i own) biggest customer and i am not allowed to take another tenancy while on this one, and they wont let her take it over on benefits.Questions - How to i carry on moving on from heartache while she in sight and hanging around being stubborn about the house? Sure i could sleep on sofa, but it hard to cos i want her to change mind or realise what she throwing away. And other Question is what does her coming back mean? Tormenting me? Easy option? Just for our lad? Taking advantage? Not wanting to slum it at mums and wants her own comforts around til she moves? Or partly due to me and being unsureOk it was a marathon to write, but what you think?
View related questions:
kissing, money, move on, moved in, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2006): I'm going through the same BS myself. It is somekind of weird confort to see similar circumstances in someone elses life.
Good Luck and look after yourself and your son. If he's happy then you be happy.
A
female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (1 September 2006):
 I think you are doing the right thing. You have wrestled with your conscience for so very long now it is all you can do you really can do no more it is like flogging a dead horse, and she really can't see the wood for the trees. Very difficult for you as you both share the same house, it is not easy to see things objectively.
I do wish you well, and hope she finds what she is looking for, and you can both move on with your lives.
I do strongly feel, trust and hope, that you will find a wonderful girl who deserves your amazing steadfastness, and takes care of your heart and soul. You deserve someone who can give as well as receive, graciously. It is a rare thing in this world..
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSnowbird, the first few nights i thought it was a sleepy sub consious thing too, but last night she was awake, no doubt, she woke up with as our son cried for a moment, then climbed back in and put her arm straight around me.
You say she knows what buttons to press, why would she want to press them? Purely to make sure she is not out on her ear in next few weeks until she has new placed lined up or due to some lingering feelings?
I aam now gonna ignore her except out of politeness and regarding our son while she in the house. I am going to make it clear through my actions and uninterest in what she is saying or doing that it is over and i am going to move on despite the difficult circumstances she has put me in. It is the only way i can start to deal with this and get over it, i will never be able to do that til she is gone, but i can at least be slightly mentally over it by that time so it wont kill me inside.
I just cannot, and i hate myself for this, give up hope that something willmake her one day look around and think, "hell yeah, the grass isnt greener, he is a good bloke, nice looking, provides, we has a lot of love, life would be easier, i do feel something for him, at least enough for a base to work on rebuilding the rest."
So seriously deluded, i was ok when she moved out for a week, now i am all over the place.
Reader who keeps saying she needs mental help, please desist, you do not know her and it may fault for not writing in depth or accurate enough. She is not a head case, she is a nice girl who it feels has fallen out of love and has mentally got over it and moved on and isjut staying put until she has somewhere else as she thinks home is better for our lad - he goes from being settled at our house to eventually just moving into a new house with just her.
...............................
A
female
reader, snowbird +, writes (31 August 2006):
And don't let her 'arm and leg draped over you' get to you - she was asleep, and it is a comfort thing, like a warm pair of slippers...don't put any importance on that, she knows full well which buttons to press, that is why she sleeps in your bed!
...............................
A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (31 August 2006):
 Wow, that was a marathon, and I'm not certain there is an easy answer. Can you kick her and your child out? Her yes, him no. Can you ignore her and go about your business while she's sleeping in your bed? Probably not. Can you divide the apartment into separate quarters? Maybe. Can you tell her how you feel about the relationship and how it is unhealthy for you and your child? Probably. It sounds like she is responsible for the child in this relationship. How much involvement do you have in the child's life? If not much, why not? If you were married and you wanted her out, you would need to file for divorce and file for joint custody of your child. Since you're not married, you need to do the equivalent. You need to see a lawyer, and/or a counselor. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2006): Bradbrit, did you not read any of the postings on you last question... you need closure, she needs a quack and you need to start living again... get her out of your house it is doing you no good... make her make it on her own she is using you... if need be get custody of your son and make sures hes okay... but get her to get her act together and to stop treating you like dirt, the longer she is at your house with all her problems the longer this problem will exist... take some action before you wake up and your life is over to busy worrying about the girl does not love you but knows your too kind... get your self in order not her, she doesnt want a relationship, make her make it on her own for all your sakes.
...............................
|
