A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm 17, a virgin, and I believe myself to be somewhere on the asexual spectrum. I have what I believe is a low sex drive compared to what I've heard from my friends. I think at some point I'd like to have sex but honestly it really doesn't matter to me at all - it's not something I crave or feel like I need to do. I have some issues with physical contact which I don't really know where they come from. I'm not a big fan of people touching me in any way, and I also have some body image issues and these things coupled make it really hard for me to even imagine trusting someone enough to have sex. All of this put together really scares me about how it would impact future relationships. I still experience romantic attraction, and it worries me that I'm not going to be able to keep a potential partner because I not going to be able to give them what they need. Do I need to be open about it from the off? Do I need to tell them that sex isn't off the table but it might take a while to get there?
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male
reader, Andyrobert  +, writes (21 December 2015):
My wife of 6 years said she waited and i was the first. She was 29. We have a 5 year old child now. I married her after we found out she was pregnent. Our marriage has had ups and downs. We both have issues. Never would i have ever thought that one day when i was not expecting it; that i would see her having sex with another man. All i can tell you is; live your own life, TRUST only your self and DO NOT HURT ANYBODY ELSE. You are the only one you can trust. If you cant trust and love your self, you will only end up hurting some one else. She has body issues like you say you do. I loved her body even though she extra fluffy. The one she cheated on did not care what her body looked like either. Cause the cheat was just sex for him and she will not understand not the love she lost.
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (21 December 2015):
My dear, You do not have a low sex drive at all. One must be having sex, and having trouble with sex to compare a low or normal sex drive.
Compared to what you have heard? From who? Your friends?
Your friends are the same age as you, and therefore know only as much as you. There is no wisdom coming from anyone your age that you need to listen too. If anyone, including your own mind is telling you that you are not good enough...then get rid of that person in your life or those thoughts. Start going down that road of tell yourself CRAP, and you will start having sex with guys to try to feel good about yourself. We are our worse enemy...that mind of ours. It can come up with some of the most amazing things...and destroy us at the same time if we let it control us, and not us controlling it.
It is good to wait...and wait as long as you can. If you can wait for marriage, then do so...you will be glad you did. Your body is the most valuable thing your have and own. Don't just hand it off to some guy because he says I love you. If he really loves you, then he will marry you before you give up something so precious.
You cannot walk into a jewellery store and walk out with the most expensive diamond ring for free right? There is a cost...same for you...Let no man walk in and take what is so valuable and walk out, without give you a ring on your hand.
The world hasn't corrupted you yet...don't let it.
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A
female
reader, anonem +, writes (20 December 2015):
 Honestly, you don't need to be open before some people would know that you are not ready to have sex. I am telling you this because it happened to me. I had body image issues at your age, never felt sex was important, had and still have trust issues. Infact, the thought of having a guy touching me grossed me out.
But most of all I was also worried that I would never find a boyfriend, etc. You are still young. Let me tell you since I was once in your position. You are really bothering about unnecessary things. I would advise you probably be the best at whatever you have your hands on right now. This is just a phase you would pass through. Permit me to say your still a child. When I was 20, I really wanted to get pregnant and have a baby, another phase. At 18 I wanted to have sex but I didn't. They are all phases. At this age you really do not know what you want.
Stop bothering youself unnecessarily. With time, you would know if you dread physical contact or not. And pls, do not think everyguy wants sex. Most do not all. I have luckily dated guys in their 20s that didn't ask for sex. I felt I couldn't date too because I wasn't going to have sex to keep a relationship. Make it clear to whoever you are dating that sex is not on the table. Sex is an intimate things for some and don't come off pushing it in guys faces way too early say on a first date that sex isn't on the table. You don't need to share that information with any guy except you spark a romance with each other and plan to take it further.
Some guys would try to play on your virginity and naivety but I know you are strong willed. Keep your head high, do not compromise and keep doing you.
Goodluck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2015): Don't under estimate yourself. You seem to be a very level headed nice girl who can make a wonderful wife to someone in the future.You must let others to asses your body issues because we usually are much more critical about our bodies than the others.You have to give yourself the chance to meet someone who you can love, trust and be happy with.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (20 December 2015):
 look you are young you do not need to give yourself heart ache, regrets , or feel pressured to have sex.
your friends that already have cant undo what they have done. if they were honest with you they more than likely would tell you they have some reserve and regrets about having sex with whom they did, or the time period in their life that they did. but more than likely they try to cover up hurts they may have and make you think that you are out of touch for not having sex already.
there is one thing about it they cant undo what has happened. you can make the decision to have sex in the future at the right time without regrets to look back on that could impact a future relationship.
"do i need to be open about it from the off?do i need to tell them that sex isn't off the table but it might take a while to get there?" yes, you will find some guys sex is all they are after. if they are pushy for sex they are after one thing and one thing only. if they get what they are after more than likely they will be off on there next conquest.
love is giving, sharing, caring. lust is taking, using, and what is best for them only.
"it worries me that I'm not going to be able to keep a potential partner because i not going to be able to give them what they need. " if they want sex, and they are pushy for it or threaten to break up with you because you want putout they are not caring for you, and do not love you, they are just thinking of them self.
a guy that loves you will respect you for your values, and whom you are. you may have to weed out a lot of bad apples to find the golden one. you seem to have a good out look , and good head on your shoulders. keep your head up , and your self respect you will find the right guy that you are looking for.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2015): i dont think you should imagine having sex.
I think you should imagine meeting someone you really get along well with .
Someone with lots of fun ideas and interesting things to say and do in a way that suits your own mentallity.
I think you should think about what you want out of life more than what you believe your partner can bring to the table.
i think you need to plan a future for yourself with a reasonable list of things you'd like to do or see.
You can pick a country and discover its famous tourist spots or pick an airline and find out what the requirements for cabin crew are.
Only you know the type of person you want to be ..maybe you want to learn to sing or play an instrument ..or practice kareoke.
Or maybe you are a sporty type who wants to knock a few seconds off your latest record for hurdles say.
But whatever it is that you want to do you might as well get started on figuring it out now and taking the necessary steps towards it.
Women no longer define themselves by who their husband is...no , they usually have their eyes on doing some rewarding activities as well.
Of course you can ramp up all that first kisss stuff, but generally if you are with a person you are close to and comfortable with and attracted to ,then the actual act itself is no dirty great drama as it used to be.
I felt you come across as fairly sound so don't obssess about the virgin bit .
You have reached the stage of sexual maturity so you can make your own decisions about when where and how much later on because it is not a universal race to achieve experience.
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