A
female
age
30-35,
*abi-G
writes:me and my boyfriend have been in a long distance relationship for 1yr and nearly 6months. weve been very happy and have always spoke about our future. we was planning to move in together within the next year or two and also start a family but problems have come up within my family stopping me from commiting to him as i was meant to move down to him (he lives in london i live in leicester) but now i wont be able to and he wont move upto me. hes still 16 and im 17 thats y we was waiting until we was 18/19 to get serious. we spoke about things and now hes saying hes stopping me from my dreams and i should find someone else but he loves me and dont want me to leave. im confused about what to do i love him so much and he loves me but how we will ever commit to each other if we cant be together and when hes telling me to find someone else to follow my dreams with. im suffering from severe depression right now aswell. can you help me i dont know what to do anymore im lost and confused and my depression is just getting worse everyday. thanks for reading i know it was long. x
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male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (28 January 2007):
 Sorry to be blunt but he's 16. Go figure
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (28 January 2007):
 It seems to me that if he really loved you he'd be willing to make the move. I'm really sorry but it sounds to me like he's looking for an out. I know you probably won't want to hear this but in a way your parents are right that you're too young to commit. Slow it down and enjoy all the great things that being young can bring.
CD
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2007): thats good well done lasting this long in the long distance thing! I've just come out of one that was 3.5 years long distance!! I was gutless to commit! until My father died last December - I'm now not scared of commitment, or anything at all for that matter. Nike: Just do it! Your family are only concerned your too young. If you love each other keep in contact. Never be frightned of living and taking chances!! Who cares what your family thinks?? Your going to have to live with the decision not your family!! Good luck and dont give up!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2007): My dear, long distance relationships can and will work, if both people are totally and fully committed to making it work. But it can be lonely for some folks, so you need to decide what is best for you. I understand that your young man is really giving you a confusing message isn't he. Well, I think at 16, he is confused, as well. He's saying he loves you but he also says he's stopping you from your dreams which I assume he means your own happiness. Two things could be happening here and you have to decide which one is which.
1) he deeply feels your sense of loss, he knows it's impossible for him to move up to you in Leicester. So he's saying, he will step aside in order for you to pursue a relationship with someone else, where you live. Your happiness means a lot to him........or
2) he's trying to tell you, that it's time for the two of you to part ways because he to wants it this way, himself.Perhaps he is finding the long-distance thing too constricting...too difficult.
Either way, is not ideal for you but you may have to accept what he wants, hun and I am sorry. You are 17, he is 16 and while I know you have deep feelings for him, please understand you both are very young, vibrant and he may not be your one and only. This may not be of any comfort to you now with the heartache you are experiencing, but believe me when I say-- it will be startling to you how you will change your whole perspective of life and love, in just a few short years and how much more mature and wiser you will become. You are on the cusp of adulthood. You need to learn how to become independent, make your own way in the world, educate yourself, have an awesome career, travel, experience new loves and have new interesting, different, wonderful experiences. And...he needs that as well, dear. Please, keep that in mind.
Hun, you say you suffer from depression. Is this a doctor diagnosed depression or do you mean that you are experiencing a temporary sad/depressed state brought on by the angst/ heartache of simply seeing your relationship hit shaky waters?? This is of concern to me. If it is depression in the medical sense, please talk to your parents and get some help.You need their support, love and guidance. If you are unable to get that from your parents, please talk to a trusted adult. Use your personal courage, your strength..you will get through this. I only wish you the best and hope you can get through this difficult time--it will take some work to heal and recover. But your future is bright...think positively and try your best to understand and accept. Take care, dear. Hugs.
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A
female
reader, krongie +, writes (28 January 2007):
 this is a really hard thing for you to decide, but your both young and you can still have so much things in life to look to, If you really love each other, just wait for the right time. you can still visit each other then. after all love can wait right?. 2 years is not very long, try to ask him to visit you sometimes...
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A
female
reader, JulietteElise  +, writes (28 January 2007):
 He obviously cares about you very much to beable to risk loseing you so you can get the most out of your life, which he must feel hes in the way of. It is said that to truley love someone, is to let them go.... This has happend to me in my first relationship in highschool of 4 years... we loved eachother to death, but we realizied we weren't right for each other in the long run... luckily we are still good friends.
However, i don't think that you two have to end it if you both truley do love eachother and want to be together. I know its hard, but will waiting a little longer after over a year of far distince dateing really be that much worse? I belive that if two people love eachother, no matter how difficult, they will eventually be together.
you are both still very, very younge, and i know this is extremly painfull to hear, but perhaps he has some doubts? I only say this because he dousnt want to move closer to you, though at your ages this would be hard do to still being more finicialy dependent on ones parents. It is a very hard choich for young men to fully commit to their first g/f when they are wondering if by doing so they may be missing out.... us females seem to be better at not feeling these fears... i don't really know why... and it is very, very painfull. But... have you two ever met in real life? because if you both havent, this may be even more of a reason for him to feel insequre. By asking you to find someone else, this may also mean he has found some new females he may want to date. But none of this can be known without haveing some serious discussions with him, mostly as to why he didn't want to be closer to you, perhaps even in a years time if not right now. Anouther possable reason is that he feels you have become so dependent on your relationship with him, that you have lost yourself... who you are... and maybe even friends and activities you used to enjoy. Perhaps he feels the only way for you to be yourself again is without him. Also... you mentioned how you both were going to wait to get "serious" untill you guys were around 18... does this mean that up untill now you both have been just more or less friends? This could be anouther reason why he hasn't wanted to move, because he isn't ready to date, or just wants to stay as friends. He may feel that he's becoming traped, and that his whole life and possible choiches and paths are being closed around him. But once again, i have no idea, i just wanted to offer some things to ask him or think about to try to make better sense of the whole situation.
From your letter though, i really feel like he does care for you very much and he is also in pain. By telling you to follow your dreams as well as find someone else, he could be saying this because he is also so broken up by this all that he's afraid he could never be what you want or need.... because you are so depressed, and because he might be too, he may feel like it is all a lost cause. I think that you both could still very well work things out though if you both truley love eachother and want to be together, once again, waiting a little longer, though it may seem like forever and horrible, is deff. a better alternitive to ending something you both don't want to. After all, you are both only around 17 now, and people ussualy live untill they are in their 80s or 90s now a days, so there will be plenty of time to live a life together.
Please talk with him to get to the bottom of this.... so you can know how to deal and/or move on. If you have to move on though, please remeber that even though it dousnt seem like it, there are lots of people who you could date and fall in love with and live "happily ever after" with, not just him. Soul mates are people who help fill that space inside of us, who are the ying to our yang, and there are many forms and ways this can be done, so thus also many people who we can be happy with.
If your depression gets to the point that it is a struggle to move or eat or bathe, or to a point where you want to hurt yourself, please get help immedetly, for it is very serious, and talking with a trained professional will help you and guide you towards happiness again.
i wish you all happiness, and please figure this out soon with him so your agony won't be prolonged.
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