A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When I was 18-21 I was fairly happy in life , I had a long term gf , started a new career in what I thought was good .. but I still was not sure what I wanted in life .The relationship ended and I lost loads of confidence in myself for the past 5/6 years I have been hiding away from social things as I feel awkward and don't enjoy it. I enjoy time with a handful of mates.Also I have just froze in advancing in life as I still do not know what I want and feel I have no future .At the same time I have been single for 5 years now and so I am crap with girls , I hardly find a girl I actually fancy/like and if I do I end either boring them or being odd.. I do not know but it just makes me feel wired about myself and give up. I am currently attempting the gym again but I always end up thinking what's the point, I have wasted the best years of my life , and also if I carried on from before I would be in a better position.I don't know I have no confidence for myself and really hate so many things about me ... how do I fight these thoughts and try to make something worth while of my life? I don't know hiding away makes me down but at least I do not get reminders of normal things
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male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (31 March 2015):
 For men, much of our self-esteem comes from our job. It's time to re-evaluate your career. Are you happy with what you're currently doing? What do you want to be doing in 5/10 years' time? Is it something else? You might need to retain to get new qualifications.
If you want to meet new women, join a dating website. Avoid the free ones though.
A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (31 March 2015):
 You need to stop focusing on the negative. I am sure you have a lot of good points and those are what you need to work on. As we advance through life all of us get 'knock backs', feelings of despair and lack of confidence in ourselves, but we just have to pick ourselves up and get on with things. I was the same as you when I was your age. I look back at photos of myself and regret how much of my young life was wasted by being negative. Nobody else is wonderful, nobody else is better than you, other people have their self doubts but they just get on with life and don't dwell on things too much.
These girls you meet - who says you're boring them? Who says you're being odd? You, I suspect. Have faith in yourself. Try to find some sort of interesting hobby or sport and make yourself into an interesting person by having something to talk about. It's actually positive that you enjoy yourself with your handful of mates, it says a lot about you.
Also, let me tell you this, you haven't wasted the best years of your life because they are probably yet to come. The best years of my life were my thirties onwards. So get out there and be positive.
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