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I can understand that he's not attracted to me/interested in me, but at the very least I'd have thought we were friends?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 April 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 17 April 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I truly need advice. I am at my wits end. I have lived with flatmates for 8 months, and resolved to move out, as I have fallen for one of the guys. In the beginning I thought it was reciprocal but it wasn't. And yet, he still confuses me. He'll tickle me, say I have the best laugh, he used to say he missed me...Anyway, I was packing up my stuff at the weekend and though he was teasing me (hadn't I left yet) he seemed really morose. Kept looking around at all my packed boxes. Anyway, in the evening when it was time to go, I knocked and he ignored me, even when I shouted through...so he never said goodbye!!

What possible reason could explain this? I am devastated! I have to go back to collect my stuff this weekend, he knows that I'm coming back...do I confront him? And if he isn't there, knowing I'm coming back, is that it? I feel pathetic for being so confused, but I am in love with him and cannot believe that might be it between us. I can understand that he's not attracted to me/interested in me, but at the very least I'd have thought we were friends?

View related questions: flatmate, teasing

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008):

Thank you to those who responded to my posting. I desperately want to believe you, but I find that I cannot allow myself to trust it/get my hopes up. Though I am resolved to speak with him (if he is there) this weekend; I would like to add that in January, things were strange between us, and I questioned whether or not he was uncomfortable because I liked him. His reply was: "Well, eh, I've no ideas..." which I finished ...of pursuing anything. Therefore, is it still possible, that he could feel for me, if he knows that I like him?! I add this because I feel your responses suggest that he is completely in the dark about my feelings, and I don't think he is. I am just torturing myself, I left these gifts for flatmates and now I'm constantly thinking: "is he thinking of me; is he sad; is he sorry didn't say goodbye?" I apologise because I know this is a comparatively stupid posting but I just don't know how to get over him. I want him in my life. Even if just a friend.

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (16 April 2008):

TELLULAH agony auntHi

Sounds to me that he may be in love with you as well. Ever thought that he could be upset that you left and didnt seem to care that you were going.

Just a thought!!! but I would let him know that you like him. Good luck XX

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (16 April 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntIf he was only a friend, there won't be such a scene.

He would just bade you farewell.

He likes you but could be shy to tell you his feelings in your face.

He is pouting and cannot stop you from leaving.

Hence this childish behaviour.

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A male reader, 09876 Australia +, writes (16 April 2008):

09876 agony auntHey,

I would say he likes you, and the fact that your moving out has upset him and so that was his way of dealing with it. Yeah boys are dumb and we sometimes deal with things in stupid ways. If he wasn't attracted to you or interested in you, he wouldn't have reacted at all, and would have had no troubles saying goodbye. But the fact that he has so much emotion involved shows that you mean something to him.

I think talk to him, confront him about it but be tactful as he may be feeling a bit hurt. Tell him you like him! Come clean about it and then atleast you'll once and for all know the truth, and you can either move on or move into a relationship.

Hope this helped kiddo. Take care

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