A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I have a dilemma I hope I can get answers to and would appreciate any help I can get. My gf of 4 months and I had an argument last night over the phone. It generally began when I had a tiff with my housemates about one of them pulling out of a holiday trip abroad at the very last minute. I wasnt in the greatest of moods so I called my gf to see if she was free to talk. She said yes, and I started telling her about everything that went wrong, and from the moment I had started the conversation with her, she was always making excuses for my housemates. She does have a habit of taking everyone's side but mine as a joking attempt to poke fun at me. And so I was agitated with it all, and asked her why shes on their side(when all I really wanted was for someone to listen rather than make me feel even worse off). She then said that she cant believe I had said that and that she doesnt need to take that tone from me, and she had other things to do, slamming the phone down on me. I then got a text from her saying that she hopes Im calmed down and that I should realise the way I spoke to her was wrong. I do admit that I did have an agitated tone of voice, but I really just wanted her to listen, rather than subtly accusing me of being unreasonable to my housemates!! I also thought she was being a little harsh in saying I was having a tone of voice with her, but of course I did, I called her up when I was upset and thought I could confide in her. Im actually still annoyed about her putting the phone down on me as I think that is a really rude thing to do! I feel that she always cuts me off abruptly when she doesnt want to talk. What are your opinions on this? Do you think Ive overreacted? Or did she? Please help.
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female
reader, rockelle  +, writes (11 October 2007):
 I also think that both of you overeacted. I would also like to point out that just because she did not agree with you does not mean that she is taking his side. That is one of the benefits of being in a relationship, you have someone to stop you when you are going in the wrong direction but they love you anyway.
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (11 October 2007):
 Hi,
It depends on how you started the conversation. For instance, if you started talking agresively about your mate straight away. Maybe she thought sticking up for them a bit was going to defuse the situation, and calm you down. Obviously this back-fired and made you feel worse, but she may have had good intentions.
I agree she shouldnt have put the phone down, but we dont know how you spoke to her after the mistake. If you were calm, then she was wrong. But if you were ranting I would have put the phone down too. I agree with Sabina, you do seem very much alike.
Maybe you should Apologise, but ask her to be a little more on your side in the future.
Good luck XX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): This is a classic early sign that she is having unprotected sex with your friends.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): I thnk that both of u overreacted, n u shuld jst forget about the fight n move on. You two seem very alike, stubborn, n always want to be rite. If u want ur realtionship to wrk,one of u has to be mature n back down sumtimes, then maybe she will do the same for you. I thnk that talking over the phone is not clever at all. You shuld talk in person. Tell her how u feel, maybe shell understand. Though dnt put on a harsh tone, be nice, try n make her feel like u are not angry with her u are jst upset because u dnt want her to be angry with u. Youll wrk thngs out, dwxxx
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