A
female
age
36-40,
*April~
writes:What should my next step be???Ahhh! i bumped into my ex (of 8 months) last night at the bar/dance club! it was very awkard for him, and a little 'Ahhh crap' for me!! He hadnt contacted me for the past 2 months since he dumped me....and of course i am not fully over him! i played it cool and naturally hugged him and told him 'oh my goodness i miss you!' bad move i know! Why did he act like seeing me didnt phase him....he didnt hug me back!!!! ???? (maybe just trying to play it cooool)? i thought we could be friends in a little bit....but now i am wondering with this behavior last night........though i never did anything wrong in our relationship......does he really want me out of his life?????? when he left he grabbed my hand from behind, and put his two fingers on his lips and blew a kiss....(which to me looked like he was telling me to peace out--in a nice way, ha!) what does this mean!??? should i wait to see if he ever makes a next move!?? everytime I spotted him, he was looking my way...hmm....i dont think i have the confidence to call him!!!??I of course do want him back in my life..... but it seems he does not need me...???
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2007): Don't call him-forget about this guy, hun. April, you say you didn't nothing wrong in this relationship and yet, this guy dumped you. Now you are saying after all this, you still want him back but it seems he doesn't need you. He doesn't need you-he's playing you or else he's be right there, by your side. So why are you giving up pieces of yourself to chase this guy-to regain his attentions to get really nothing back. He's a liability..he hurt you once. He's a waste of time, hun and you need to regain some balance here and clear headed thinking. You are putting all your energies into analyzing whether or not this guy wants you, after all you have been through with him. And dating this guy ended in an ugly way..he dumped you. So instead of saying to yourself when he blew you that kiss, "uh-oh, this guy is a jerk and I don't want him in my life" you are saying, "he blew me a kiss...oh my god!! What does this mean?? does he still want me???" You are acting out of compulsion, fantasy and desperation here, hun. Stop doing that. Uphold yourself with some dignity and don't grab at him and hope like hell, he likes you back. Stop making himt he center of your universe..that is so typically female. Now listen , dear..dependent women acquire self-esteem by being attached to other people and that is unhealthy. You seem so worried that this guys' approval towards you, might mean his lack of interest will make you lose the most important thing here... yourself. Keep him at arm'slength, dear because I think if you go after him...you will setting yourself up for a lot of hurt and disappointment. Think smart abd be strong, April..don't sell yourself short. This guy is an ass for dumping you in the first place. Work on getting him out of your head and your life. Go find someone who treats you like you deserve,
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