A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex bf and I have been broken up for about a month now. We were together for three years and I broke up with him because he cheated on me one night he was out at a party. I have not spoken to him since we broke up. I made it clear to him that we were done and I wanted nothing to do with him. I blocked his number so I don't know if he has tried to contact me. He's had his chances to prove himself but this time he did me so wrong.Despite of everything I miss him terribly! I've been fighting the urge to email him maybe for closure or just to even see how he is doing or to see if he even misses me or if he still feels terribly guilty. I know none of that should matter anymore but i cant help it, i want answers. I realize it's going to take a long time for it to get easier but I'm starting to question myself if I can even do this anymore. I miss everything about us and it's just constantly on my mind. I have too much pride which is why I haven't tried to talk to him because I don't want to look like that desperate girl that keeps giving him chances.Basically I just don't know how to keep going. I'm doing my best to keep myself busy and to be strong but its a constant hing that takes over my thoughts...I feel lost.If you guys have any advice it would be greatly appreciated!
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female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (27 November 2011):
 Hi,
I am very proud of you for being so strong. I don't believe in closure.. I guess you want answers, but the truth is that he was weak... There's no excuse for cheating, and he should have never put himself in that situation. Nothing will, or can justify what he has done.
You are strong, and you are doing the right things to stay away from him. As you mentioned, you are keeping yourself busy. That's the best you can do for now. You know what's right, you know what you should do, and what's best for you. You should not be too hard on yourself. It has been only a month, and you need time to heal. Allow yourself to feel the pain, let the anger out of you. You need to take small steps, and a day at a time. You've been with him for 3 long years, and it's going to take time to get over him. You are only human, he was a big part of your life. It takes time to get use to this new life. Also, you still love him, and your heart needs time to heal.
Unfortunelty, you will feel this way for a while, you will never forget him, but try your best to control your mind. Try your best not to be stuck in the past, and start planning a new life. Be strong, be positive. Make new friends, do new things, and try to look your best everyday. This way, you will start feeling better about yourself, therefore you will make people want to approach you, and eventually you will meet someone that truly deserves you. Open your mind, open your heart. Hope you feel better soon. I am sorry you are in pain. Just know that many of us have been through this situation, and I promise you, it will get easier...
Best wishes / good luck
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (27 November 2011):
 If you contact him it will stir up your feelings and his feelings. He may even think you are trying to get back together with him
You were strong and you should be proud of yourself for the way you were firm at the outset.
It is time you distracted yourself with NEW activities. NEW hobbies. Try making up a list of things you have been meaning to get around to, try, go to or enjoy. they do not have to be big things. Work your way through the list. Focus on a new direction in your life.
If you come back to him he will have a sigh of relief. Maybe re-connect. But as a cheater it will happen again. And the second break-up will hurt so much more.
And if he has moved on and has not given you a second thought? Then you will also feel horrible.
You were strong at the outset. Keep on that successful path and don't waste another minute on him
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