A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im totally confused about what to do.I broke up last night with my boyfriend of 16 months and I just feel so confused about whether I was still in love with him.Hes the nicest guy in the world and I know he loves me so much, but recently Ive started to feel more like hes my best friend than my lover.Its not that I dont enjoy sex because I do when I have it but I do tend to avoid it in favour of snuggling up with a film. Im waiting for my RAF joining date and I guess this is playing on my mind, could this be putting me off staying with him?My relationship previous to this was painful and involved me being cheated on, lied to paying for his debt! Have I repressed this?My main thing is that I felt that I loved him loads but the passion was gone for me.Sorry this sounds jumbled. Please help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): I think you need to work out in your mind exactly why you decided to break up with him. It may be hard to pinpoint, but see if you can work out what it was.
I have been in a similar situation, I once dated a guy who was really nice, and he had deep feelings for me. But although I cared about him, I didn't feel any passion or spark at all. Just friendliness, I guess. And there were little issues in the relationship that just got to me, and made me decide to end it. But afterwards, I wondered if I had done the right thing, as I felt torn and all over the place. But I think that was because I felt guilty, uncertain, and struggling to adapt to being single. We did actually try again, and I ended up finishing it again, because I still felt a lack of emotion, and the same old problems were still an issue.
Do you have any similar feelings like this? Maybe you could just give yourself some time first, before making any decision. See how things go being away from him. You might just be feeling a knee-jerk reaction to the break up, which I think it normal. But after some time to clear your head and work out your feelings, you might have a better idea of whether you did the right thing, or whether you would like to try again with him, if possible. And if so, it would be good if you could discuss with him any problems or concerns you may have, so things can hopefully be different.
I hope something here helps, good luck. x
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