A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:its long ...but will tell you everything about us ...pleae bear with me and read it ...my heartly thanks to all answerers ...i am in a weird situation people ...i dumped this 17 year old girl and she has become quite obsessed about me ....we have had a lot of fun together over a year and care about each other a lot ....she cared for me more than me and can die to see me happy and smiling always...i meant the world to her and she used to be very cheerful having me in her life ..damn she was crazy about me and loved me from her true heart....she loved me so much that she fed me with her own hands and kept caressing me like her own child ...if she saw a tear in my eyes, she would fall on my legs and asked for forgiveness if it was her fault ...she loved me so much! the breakup was peaceful and i gave the reason that i was commitment phobic...she couldnt believe it and was devastated! since then she is a dead body alive struggling to move on with a fake smile and has lost trust in everyone and she swears never to get into relationship again...but spending life was a different thing i was not ready for ...she understands that it had to happen one day and keep consoling herself ...but the attachment was so deep that till today we are going back and forth over it(now we being friends)..she was scared to lose me as a friend atleast...she cant be named as clingy as she is too mature than her age and believes in giving space ...it seems my calls and texts are the only things in this world she wishes to get ....and they make her extreme happy! sometimes we get carried away due to the deepest urge and cant stop ourselves meeting each other which usually results in cutting open all wounds all over again...and then the other time i resist her and we wont talk for some 15 days ...and miss her compainionship and care and again end up calling her and tell her that i missed her these days...we cant help ourselves escaping this emotional attachment as even i cant afford losing her from my life completely ....her condition is even worse than me...she has even said that she was gonna hurt herself but her friends have supported her a lot ..i asked this question a couple of times ...people tell me wean her off of me and slowly stop talking to her and not leave her all at once ...i feel my presence in life is not gonna let her COMPLETELY get over me ...but we are not able to cope up the other cruel way to stop talking as she doesnt feel the need to do so and hates this decision(we sorted out several times when i encouraged and motivated her to get on with life ...she said she wont keep any hopes from me so i need no worry, she just wants my friendship as she cant live without it!) ...i dont have any problem but she being so despo about this friendship seems weird and also she is quite obsessed about me and feels very happy when we are gonna talk to chat ..am i being unnecessarily paranoid and a person of shalow perspective to a girl who loved me so much ...i dont deny that she is trying her level best to move on and doesnt expect from me to get back as she is very practical....is there any effective way to make this friendship work and what should be the nature of this friendship?7 minutes ago - 4 days left to answer. Additional Detailsshe pretends she is fine whenever we talk in the fear of pushing me further away and promises to be ok with time...will it be ok if we remain in friendship limits and hope we get used to it? i feel she is worth having as a friend as we dont get such people often ..what do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): In this situation, I have been you, and I have been her, and I'm only in high school! Obsessive behaviors aren't limited to an age.
When I broke up with a guy that was this way about me, it seemed like he died inside. He was awful to anyone that spoke to him. He clung to me for dear life. He stopped eating, his grades fell, etc. He was hurting from lost love, and I missed him as one of my close friends. We kept contact, but he always initiated it.
I had deep feelings for my best friend. Only a few weeks after this awful breakup, my best friend admitted that he was in love with me. I hadn't a clue what to do, so for a while we did a secret-relationship type thing. I asked permission from my ex to go out with my best friend. This really hurt my ex and he said awful things, yet he did grant me permission. Those words he said, though, I will never forget.
My ex continued to attack me. Finally I got fed up with it and said something on the lines of, "alright. You can choose: leave me alone or accept that I love him." he was stunned. When he found out that I really loved someone else, he said that was the moment he could truly move on.
I was in a relationship with my best friend for a while. I became the obsessive one. He dumped me because he really didn't have the time to spend with me and it was hurting me. I fought that with all I had. But I knew he was right. Later he admitted that he wasnt sure if he liked me anymore. I was kind of shocked. He didn't like me anymore? Only a week before he had said he loved me still. He said he didn't realize the difference between "like" and "love" mattered to me. I was crushed. I lost 10 pounds in that week. I still cry for him, but when we talk (usually initiated by him), it's frequent, and I act, for him like I'm okay.
I'm going back out (but only as friends with benefits) with the first ex I mentioned. I have feelings for him now from helping me through this terrible breakup. My best friend always reacts badly to this, and often brings it up, but denies that it's an issue of jealousy. I am afraid to be in a relationship again from what my best friend did to me, and whenever this is mentioned (by either of us) it really hurts him.
I don't know if this story gives you any insight, I hope it helps. All I know is I can't help but want my best friend back because I still love him. I almost wish he'd stop contacting me so I could have a chance at fully moving on. Almost.
Good luck!
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-GG
A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (21 June 2009):
 why don't you want to be with her?
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (21 June 2009):
 I think right now remaining "friends" will prolong this situation more, i think u both need some space & time apart and not speak to each other for a little while and give yourselves time to move on from this relationship.
Being in an obessisive relationship isnt good for anyone.
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