A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my bf a few days back because I felt our personalities were not compatible. Time and again we argue over his flirtations with other girls and him constantly texting them (everyday) and them sending him their selfies. I have mentioned to him how it makes me feel uncomfortable and he stops texting them for awhile. But after a few weeks, it happens again (he'll either meet new girls or continue texting the previous girls) and we argue over the same thing again. Yet now he is willing to "change" and thus far he has done everything I asked him to, even so far as to film himself down telling off his friend to stop texting him so often. I am a soft hearted person, so I might cave in, but my gut tells me I shouldn't trust him again. Please help!
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 December 2014):
READ what WiseOwlE wrote, over and over till it sinks in. TRUST your instincts and STAY away from him. He is not going to change. THAT is who he is. And NO ONE changes overnight, over a week, a month or some not even in a year or 10. THEY are who they are.
You tried it with his guy and IT DIDN'T work, date someone who ISN'T a "fixer upper" (as in a guy you don't feel HAS to make changes FOR you) - date someone who HAS the same values and morals when it comes to relationships.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2014): People don't change over-night. You are jealous and fearful that he is contacting other girls. I know that is really bugging you. Now it's forcing you to second-guess your decision to break-up.
You're overcome with regret, and lying to yourself that he's different. Sorry, but he isn't. He's being good only for the time being. Putting on a show for your benefit. Then back to his old ways.
If he's texting other girls, he's more than likely cheating on you too. He's spending far too much time accepting and exchanging communication with other girls to be a guy with a girlfriend. That is an indication that he's really not that into you. The other girls seem to know it, that's why they contact him so much.
Guys who do that don't have respect for you, and will not change for you. They will pretend they will, so you will take them back. Why do you think so many girls are texting him? Why do you think he continues to text them back, even when he knows how much it upsets you? You had better think long and hard about that!
You're going to have to set higher standards for yourself, and stick to your guns where guys are concerned. They don't really respect girls who let them get away with doing hurtful things. They take advantage of what they consider stupidity. Yes, he thinks you're dumb in-love, and will just get over it. He knows you're so into him, you'll cave-in and take him back. He's a player.
It will become a cycle. Breaking-up, and getting back together. You'll be miserable, and missing out on meeting someone better for you. You'll be checking his messages, and snooping about. You will never trust him. He'll get sick of that anyway. He'll get tired of your whining.
He'll just be more sneaky about it and text behind your back. You can't let guys treat you like that.
You'll always wonder if he's being honest with you? If he thinks you're dumb, I can guarantee he won't be honest! He'll take advantage of your feelings for him, and he'll use your jealousy against you. He'll turn it around on you and say you're just suspicious all the time. You'll leave him alone to prove you trust him. Then he'll do what he always does.
You're going to have to learn how to handle a breakup. You did it for the right reason. To protect your heart, and to regain your self-respect. It will hurt for awhile. Didn't it hurt when he was texting those other girls? You might as well find a guy more into YOU! Stop pretending he has changed. We both know he hasn't!
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