A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, I feel so guilty about this and I do not know what to do. I can't forgive myself and I have nightmares that I will be somehow found out. 2 years ago a friend and I organised a charity ball in the local neighborhood. We raised $600. My friend had 400, of the money from his side of things and I had $200. We raised $50 online donations too.After the ball, I got into trouble with money- the bank recalled my overdraft, and I ran out of cash. I couldn't deposit the cash in my bank. I had this $200 in my room and i thought, "ok, i'll take $50 from it and replace it with my next paycheck". Only it ended up being $60. Then i thought "ok, i'll just take a clear 100, so i can write an note for next month when i get paid." Only by the time I got paid, $150 seemed too much of a cut from my wage, and it just all ended up getting eaten up. In the last 2 years I've never been able to replace the money, but I think even if i did, that I'd still feel paranoid that i'd get found out- and I'd know that i should have paid the money 2 years ago. what if somebody asks me one day for proof that I paid the money? I have told myself that in part, I should not beat myself up. Some guys were making a deal about "generously" giving me $5 for the fund when they earn $70,000 dollars a year, but there were a small amount of folks who gave me $5 when they couldn't afford it. It's those guys i feel so guilty about and i can't sleep nights thinking about.Worst thing was, everybody was acting like i was some kind of "good guy" for raising this money. Worse, I have done no charity work in the last 2 years because i'm scared of it raising questions. what if somebody says "hey, what happened to the last money?" I never asked my friend about what happened to his side of the money, but I lied and told him my mom sent it off with her church donations. I told my mom that my friend presented the cheque to the charity. I have a good standing as a respectable guy in the community, I work with blind kids, and I'm seen as a nice guy, not a thief! But i feel that what I have done is so awful and that I cant undo it and I will be found out. I feel so guilty. How can I start to put this right and get over the burden of guilt?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): You'll continue to feel guilty until you make restitution. You have to give to the charity what you took from them, plus interest. If you can give them cash anonymously that would be best. If not, you have to at least insist that it be treated as an anonymous donation, so that you don't get any 'credit' for your 'generosity.' You need to give an amount that is really going to hurt -- if you stole $150, you should give them $300, or more if possible.
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