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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, we have an amazing relationship and i am completely in love with him and we are really happy together. At the weekend I went out with some of my female friends (i am a girl) including one that has always fancied me and has tried it on a few times in the last four/five years without any success as I am not attracted to women.The long and short of it is that we all got very drunk and she kissed me i told her it was wrong and we left it there and then had a few more drinks. I went to the loo and I totally blacked out. She followed me and since then has told me we had sex. I didn't believe her but have since been getting flashbacks that perhaps we did but i can't be sure. I told my boyfriend instantly that she had kissed me and as she had come on to me in the past he knew it wasn't me so was fine with it. However that was before she told me we had sex, i don't believe it and i don't want to tell my boyfriend because he will definitely dump me because he is incredibly moral, and i don't want to break up over something i am not sure happened and where i was taken advantage of. Am i doing the right thing not telling him that potentially there could have been more to the story?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2006): Hi, thanks for the advice guys. I will definitely lose the friend, she has completely violated my trust. I have talked about it with another friend and because of the type of person this girl is we think it is probably made up as I am not remotely attracted to her so I can understand why i would do this. Although i still can't be sure. I think I will tell my boyfriend what happened though it will be tough.
A
female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (20 April 2006):
If you had blacked out, then you did not consent. So it's hard to see how anyone can hold you responsible.
However, this person does not sound like much of a friend. I would say to her that you don't want to be friends with her anymore, because you don't consider her conduct to be consistent with the behaviour of a friend.
Dig deep, however, and make sure that you are totally not subconsciously wanting her. If you are convinced that you are not, then move on: dump the "friend", and concentrate on your boyfriend.
Tell your boyfriend that you were stupid in putting yourself in a difficult position, and that you love him, and that if anything happened, you can't remember it, it meant nothing, and that you love him.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, Gryphon +, writes (20 April 2006):
 Hi,Incredibly tough situation especially since all of your information is hear-say. My advice is two-fold: 1) Alcohol can only make you do things that you subconsciously want to do. It cannot drag up emotions that you don’t have and get you to act on them. So if you really do not feel that way about the girl (and can honestly tell yourself that) then chances are she may just be using it as a crutch to start a relationship with you. Also you must take into consideration how trustworthy you think she is – if she has a record like a saint then you may need to give some heed to what she’s telling you. 2) As much as this is going to kill you, I think you need to tell you boyfriend simply out of respect. Even if you believe her accusations to be false, he will appreciate hearing from you that the rumor is floating around rather than finding out on his own. And I would approach telling him as though it were a rumor (and not fact) and let him know that you care enough to tell him before he gets wind of it from someone else. As a stereotypical ‘moral’ person myself, I would wager he will appreciate your honesty and ability to converse with him more than what may have transpired while you were passed out. And if he doesn’t or can’t – then how would your relationship withstand the test of a lifetime anyway? Good luck!
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