A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, can someone let me know whats really going on in my relationship? Long story short, my boyfriend and I came from one job we were working together to a new company. I got hired first, my bf started complaining that I get things easy, although he knows I'm hard worker. He wanted me to get him in, I helped him apply. Then he wanted me to tell recruiter about him as to increase his odds. This is a foreign concept to me and I think if you want a job you show initiative, not piggy back. Although that's how I started working with him at the last job, he got me in. Our couples counselor says we have different views of what's right and wrong and we need to learn to respect each others feelings. I can't talk to my bf about stuff in my life. I can't talk to him about my support of marriage equality or loving my future kids if they were gay because he disagrees then uses religion as justification even though HE ISN'T RELIGIOUS NOR ACTIVELY PRACTICES. I can't talk to him about news and global activity, he's not interested. I can't talk to him about my belief in life, because he's afraid of dying it's best not to say anything. So we come to now. Our job is a company that's a bank and credit card company. I got on credit side, he's on bank cs side. We both had to take phone calls and be screamed at by inconsiderate people. I'm naturally a writer and love to read, so when I found out about internship offered for one of our departements, I took the tests and got it. Since I've started this position I can't talk with my bf about what I do, what status or permissions I have, nothing. The other day our friends asked me about my day at work, and then afterwards my bf went into how jealous he was and how unfair it feels....So today, my boss and team want to go out and team bond. I'm broke so the team budget would be covering me. My boss knows my bf and I commute together and wanted me to see if I could come in an hour earlier to go. I let him know whats going on and he blew up. He's mad at me because i'm "inconsiderate and selfish" for telling him about what's going on because "he's working to stay in a crappy position". He's asked me to help create report with my boss, but my boss is looking for a writer, and my bf is not the best speller. I've offered to tutor him and help him pass the tests to get in, but he's not interested. He thinks report will excuse his shortcomings. At our last job we did work similar to what I do now, but it's more important at our current job. I believe in him, but is this level of jealousy healthy? Am I in the inconsiderate one for asking "hey, can you come in earlier with me Friday so I can eat crabs and snows cones with my team?"
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 May 2015):
 We all get jealous at some points in our lives but when a girlfriend's the smarter one, it's hard to deal with. It's emasculating. I don't think your boyfriend shines through in this field of work. His talent is better used for something else but it seems like banking is the only jobs around that are more decent than retailing.
You are not inconsiderate for telling him about Friday. He's hurting and prefers not to hear about your success and he imagines your coworkers gossiping about what you are doing with this lesser guy. He could have said he's not interested instead of making you feel wrong, as if you are rubbing off your success on him.
Your boyfriend's future is for him to figure out. You've done enough to help him. He has a lot to learn if he thinks that nepotism is all you need to be successful. I disagree with your couple counsellor whom I think was being too diplomatic.
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