A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hiI met this guy at work a few month after breaking up with the father of my child. We were really good friends and we just clicked. He also has a child and a wife but they have been seperated for 2 and a half years. He is so kind to me and I know he is in love with me his actions have prooved it. I have a problem as she wanted to get back with him on his birthday and he took her out to discuss it. He didnt hide what was happening but that night she sent me a txt saying that he had been cheating on me. I know she is a vicious person so whilst it hurt I dismissed it eventually. on new years day he said he was leaving me as his family were putting a lot of pressure on him. But the next morning he decided not to leave me.recently he has not been calling me when he says he will and I cant get through to him. I believe he wouldn't lie to me even if the truth hurt- am I being a fool? I feel as if I shouldn't be with him as he is asian and so is his wife and I am half black and white.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): You are welcome; Keep us posted
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice
I think I need to have a good long talk with him about the whole thing. Thank you all for your honesty and guidance I really appreciate it.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (24 June 2008):
 I think you both have a lot to think about here. He is being pressured by his ex wife and his family to go back to her. He has not yet divorced her, this could be down to religious or cultural reasons which is why the family is putting pressure on him.
I suggest you tell him that whilst you love him it is not fair to be in the middle of this situation and that you are beginning to suspect he is aleady seeing his ex again due to his behaviour.
It could push him back into the arms of his ex wife but if it means you can then move on to find a man who will love you exclusively without these problems then so be it.
You both deserve happiness but he is not free to find this with you at the moment x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): You might not like this but I am saying this to try and help you to get prespective on the situation, not to hurt or upset you;
I see a few red lights flashing here;
he is not divorced from his wife; after 2and 1/2 years; that is odd; can it be that he does not want to cut the ties?
He is the father of her child; that is a strong bond they share;
He was willing to meet with her and discuss them getting togethr again on her request;
His parents have been putting pressure on him;
Now he is not calling you as arranged and you cannit get hold of him;
The chances are he is back with his wife; trying to work things out;
Why is he not telling you the truth of what is going on?
I thhink this guy might not have the guts, the "heart" to tell you the truth; or he is keeping you in the dark on purposes; hoping that if things are not working out between him and the wife; you are still around;
I do suggest you stop trying to find excuses in your heart and mind to justify his behaviour;
look at the facts; it is not easy BUT you have a life and a child; and you deserve somebody that is totally committed to you;
LET GO of this guy; he is not open and honest with you; if he was; you would have had the answers as to why he is avoiding contact with you;you would have known what is happening and why;
MOVE ON; it is difficult but get out there; meet other people and you will find somebody that you can love and trust and who will respect you and your needs and wants;
BE STRONG! Ignore this guy and start a new life without him!
Hope this gives you a little clearity and remember we are here; you can talk to us anytime;
GOOD LUCK!
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (24 June 2008):
 This has nothing to do with race, it has to do with the man who sounds like he is insecure and wants the best of both worlds. Sweetie, if he is in love with you, then why is he treating you this way... and yes it is possible he has been cheating on you - with his wife!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): Believe what your heart tells you to.Dont jump to conclusions about not talkin to him he probably just needs time,he'll come around.And about the ex wife she's just jealous cuz she knows what you and him have is somethin that they never did!
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