A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My friend and her fiancé came to visit me at home yesterday. Her fiancé used our toilet which is upstairs (our house only has 1 toilet). He was in there a while and when he came back down he started asking me if I know where he could buy a Ferrari car model in a glass case as he'd been looking for a while but couldn't find anything.I was a bit confused by this as I have no idea about cars so I wasn't quite sure why he kept asking....After they left I went upstairs and noticed that my bedroom door was open (I always keep all my doors closed) so I went in and noticed a few things.... The remote controls on the bed stand weren't as I had left them that morning - it looked as though they had been picked up and put down again. 1 of my drawers was slightly open- I have OCD so I know for a fact all the drawers are closed and a clock on the stand had been slightly turned.I then went round the corner of my room to empty the wash basket and noticed my husbands Ferrari car model, in a glass case on the shelf! I had completely forgotten he had it- it was a gift he got several years ago when he left his workplace.It then hit me that my friends fiance must have came in our bedroom and snooped around- it's the only explanation as to why he kept asking about the car model!! We have a big bedroom and the shelves are right round the corner so he would have had to come right in the bedroom to see it- not just popped his head in! My husband was at work and apart from these visitors I was the only one in the house - so it must have been him moving things around in there...Nothing was taken and when I mentioned it to my husband he was furious and made it clear he didn't was them in our house again. He wanted me to confront my friend but I can't do it.... and he has made it clear they aren't allowed round again... My husband also clarified that he has never, in conversation talked to him about car models or mentioned he had the Ferrari model.Do I mention this to my friend or not? We don't know the guy that well and only met him several times, he's been to the house before but never gone upstairs. I'm worried it'll ruin our friendship.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2015): I also think that you should tell your friend. In fact you must tell her to let her know what kind of a person she is with. You will be doing her a service, after that it is up to her to decide what to do.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 December 2015):
 Something I forgot to add...
Your husband is justifiably annoyed about this, but he would be more circumspect in his response had it been one of his friends who had crossed this line. So don't be brow beaten or guilt-tripped into making a bigger scene than is necessary.
I don't know what sort of person your friend is but give her a chance to do the right thing here by not igniting an explosion over this.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (13 December 2015):
I agree that it's appropriate for you to say something, but I would wait until she contacts you for some reason. Reaching out to her puts you in the weak spot.
Be a little cooler than normal, and when there is a pause in the conversation, calmly say something like 'that day you and John came over, and he took ages in the washroom, he was in our bedroom going through our things'. Then let that statement hang there on it's own. The silence that follows will make what you say all the more powerful. Less is more.
She may or may not respond the way you want her to. You do not have to convince her, or soften the blow or reassure her that you don't blame her. Leave all that as an unspoken question mark and let her fill in the blanks. Let her come up with an explanation, and if she doesn't then she doesn't.
They key is to make her aware that a line has been crossed without blaming her or trying to justify yourself to her. The less said, the better and you can be sure she'll mention something to her idiot fiancé.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 December 2015):
 I agree with WiseOwlE
This is totally unacceptable and I would bring it up. And ... I wouldn't have them over as a couple for dinner in a very long while. I don't think it's EVER appropriate for someone to go through another person's bedroom AND belongings. I know people who check medicine cabinets out while visiting... OK I find that creepy too, but at least the bathroom isn't off limits.
The notion that someone went through my drawers? *shudders*
I think you need tell your friend, what SHE chooses to do with that info is up to her.
If she gets upset or her fiance gets UPSET - know that it wasn't your behavior that cased the drama, but HER fiance's.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2015): Yes, you must mention this to your friend. She brought a stranger into your home; therefore she is responsible for their behavior when under your roof. She should know that he took inappropriate liberties by going through your bedroom, things had been moved, and you are very much aware of it.
Also let her know your husband is furious, and he should be.
If she is a friend, you should feel free to express your feelings. You should demand proper respect of your privacy from all who enter your home; and have the courage to protect and defend what is yours. Your husband is very correct, that guy should not be welcomed back into your home. If you don't tell your friend, I bet he will!
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (13 December 2015):
 Tuff one I will admit. Thing is what do you do when they drop around un announced, Make up excuses each and every time ? Where will your loyalties lie in order to keep every one happy...the friend or your husband? You have to live with your husband so as shitty as it may be I think you need to be biting the bullet and having a quick word. Let her know just how uncomfortable you are in having to mention it and that * insert fiancees name* has put you in a predicament by having to do so and tell her whats happened. If she gets the ump just remember it was not YOU that ruined the friendship but her fiancee and her attitude not to be understanding. All the best.
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