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male
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anonymous
writes: I'm working my guts out at the moment,long hours and plenty of stress.When i come home my fiancee sometimes gets on my nerves by moaning or even picking faults. It usually ends up an argument things are said to each other which hurt ie name calling. Any one can turn around and say get a new job however in the real world that's not quite as easy. Is it me or could my fiancee help? I feel that she is pushing me to call her names however she can give as good as she gets. We are due to get married in 12 months, i do love her very much, is there anything i could do OR we both could do to help us work together.
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female
reader, Smiler +, writes (6 June 2006):
 Hey sweetie
Well where to start here i understand the pressures and stresses from work can really drag you down but the arguing at home isn't helping the situation either is it... i know it takes two to argue and if she is anything like i used to be she can give as good as she gets if not worse but sweetie if this continues its gonna drive a wedge straight between you which could lead to you splitting up altogether and forget the wedding and we don't want that now do we? so i will try and help you out as much as i can here ok.... firstly i would talk to your g/f tell her how things are getting you down and your frightened it will split you up and cause you love her you are going to suggest some ways that you can help each other through this ok: then suggest things that could relax you both like, both of you massaging each other using oils, or maybe having a bath together in candlelight, burn some scented candles in the background just chill out enjoy each others company rather than resorting to name callin an arguements, introduce some romance back into your lifes don't get stuck in the rut that so many young couples do where its just arguements all the while cause you will drive each other away....
I hope my advice helps you a little.... Good Luck! and remember if you ever need anyone to talk to or just some more advice, i'm always here for you... feel free to email me ok. Would love to hear from you again...
You Take Care Sweetie X
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2006): It's so hard to live by this standard, but arguments should never descend into name-calling. If you and your fiancee are ever going to have kids, you need to act like adults when you argue. No one can you push you to call names, it is a lack of self-restraint which unleashes this kind of abuse. By taking the high-ground in these arguments, you'll also encourage your future-wife to do the same and prevent the fighting from spiralling out of control.
Your fiancee is probably aggravated by your extended absences which then take the form of nagging or picking on you. If you're just going over a hump at work that you foresee ending, you could ride this out and wait for things to return to normal. However, if your job regularly demands these long hours, you need to resolve this issue BEFORE getting married. Perhaps if you devote some special time away from work to your fiancee, she'll feel a little more appreciated. No matter what, though, don't tie the knot until your relationship is tidied up. Marriage doesn't fix problems, if they're there, it makes them infinitely worse.
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