A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girfiend of 4yrs and I broke up for a couple of months recently, but we remained in contact throughout and even slept together a few times. We got back together which I was happy about until she admitted sleeping with 2 different guys during the short break.I was really angry and upset and told her so. However I didn't tell her I too had slept with 1 girl on a number of occasions.I don't know if I can get over her sleeping with two strangers as it makes me feel sick, but then can I afford to take the moral high ground? Do we stay together or do I tell her where to go?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys for all your help, I shall take it on board and hopefully make a sincere 'go' of things. I think I shall have to move on as best I can, and consider being more honest!All advisors were extremely useful, especially Richard's - cheers mate!
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (6 December 2007):
 You're stuck dude, if you do fess up she will more angry with you as she at least was honest with you.
You on the other hand are playing the moral high card while all along you were sleeping with someone anyway.
She should be concerned that her boyfriend is not open and honest with her and thinks that his sexual excapdes are irrelevant compared to hers. Double standard here.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (6 December 2007):
 Hi buddy. Well you two were on a "break" as you say. There doesn't seem to be any doubt you were on a break because you both slept with different people. You describe it with hindsight as "on a break", but at the time of course, you had broken up. You don't know you will get back together. And when a couple has broken up they try and get over it as best they can. They look to find somebody new. So after breaking up you were both free to meet and sleep with somebody else.
Now you've have met again and started to become a couple, this is a new relationship. A new relationship. And that's how you should think about it. So draw a line underneath the past and look to the future. Don't bring it up with her anymore because really you are not going to change anything. Go and beat it out at the gym or on the pitch.
There is another 'positive' in this. Her level of honesty is higher than yours!!! Thats a good sign from your point of view. Bad from hers of course.
If you do remain together, maybe it's better to try and work out differences rather than breaking up. Because breaking up means just that.
Good luck
Richard
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): I agree. You have a moral obligation to tell her that you also slept with someone else. If you two had decided to both keep your mouths shut about the issue of whether or not you'd been with anyone else duing that time, then that's fine. But that's not what you guys did. She came clean and you didn't. It's not fair of you to be letting her stew in this situtaion thinking that she's had sex outside the two of you and you haven't. Is the relationship in trouble? Of course. Nobody is supposed to like it when their partner has sex with others outside the relationship. But you two probably both have had other sex partners before this, right? Well now it's a few more for the list. That's all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007): She should be telling you and your double standards where to go...
How does it feel making your girlfriend feel awful when you have absolutely no right to? I get the feeling you like having something to hold over her. That way she'll have to spend a long time being nice and making it up to you. Stop being a coward and stop being mad at her for the exact same thing you did.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007): Either move on or stay together and put this sleeping together thing out of your head. If you both did it while you were split up then there is nothing than can be done to undo it. Just enjoy what you have or split up.
take care
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007): Its funny how guys think whilst 'on a break' they can do as they please but the woman must remain celebate at least until the final call on the relationship has been made.
Would it have mattered less if your girlfriend had only slept with one person? You then would have been equal right?
If you want to be with this person then you need to let this go. It can not be changed now anyway. You cant afford to take the moral high ground especially as you chose to keep what you got up to durng your 'break' a secret.
First step is to be honest with her, even if it means revealing exactly how it made you feel when she told you about the 2 guys. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, cheryluk24 +, writes (5 December 2007):
 No you cant afford to take the moral high ground i know it is going to be hard to get over her sleeping with 2 guys but atleast she has told you about it.
Maybe you should come clean to her too,
How do you think she is going to react though knowing you have kept it from her she is going to feel hurt angry and upset to.
If you both want the relationship to work you need to come clean and not have anymore secrets between you both.
You must be prepared for her response she may just tell you where to go.
Good luck to you both if you can get past this and move on you must also remember if you both decide to forgive and forget you shouldnt throw it bck at each other in the future it will only cause you both more heartache.
If you cant forgive then maybe you should go your seperate ways and move on without each other.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007): If you were broken up what each of you did was your own choice. I can understand your feelings if you hadn't slept with someone else. But you did. Has she ever cheated while you were together? if not then I would talk to her and try to get past it - you both slept with other peoplewhats the difference between her having sex with two people and you having it several times with one person?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007): Don't you think you have a double standard here?
No, you can't afford to take the moral high ground and I think you know it.
It would be best to come clean with her if you intend to continue your relationship, and not have any secrets. But be prepared for her to tell you where to go!
Phil
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