A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been overweight my whole life. I'm used to rejection and being told no guy would ever want me. Recently I've been talking to a guy who is about 17 years older than me. I am attracted to him and he is attracted to me, we've planned to meet a few times but I always bail out due to the fear that I seem slutty for wanting some kind of love. He says he loves me but I feel like I'm trying to love him even though I know I really shouldn't. any idea what I should do? I have this constant fear that I'll never find someone and having him would make me happy, but I don't want anyone knowing about him, because I'm sort of ashamed of our age difference.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010): ZwischenzugJumper you made me laugh, most on here say it all the time. He online so he's dangers yet they're online and want even remotely classify themselves as dangerous, however you're wrong about meeting in public. Its a fact that most predators prefer public places because his victim is off familiar territory. You need to meet this man at home where you have protection. Yeah you can meet him in public so he don't know where you live, but I wonder if he smart enough to follow you home if that was his intentions.
You can really get to know someone online even to the point of loving this person if both parties was in it for real. To tell her that her feelings are not real is borderline ridicules. Only she knows how she truly feels.
My belief goes like this: if you have to hide it than its wrong. You said it yourself you're ashamed of this person for whatever reason. That's a redflag to you, yet your over looking your own warning here. You will never be ashamed of someone you truly loved. I would say if your ashamed then you never to let it go.
Honesty and communication is the key here. Be true to yourself and him. You don't have to end the relationship, but you need to tell him your fears. All of them. My girl is a lot younger then me and she's beautiful at 110 lbs yet their no shame with her. I doubt she cares what others say as long as she's happy. Her family loves me too. We never hid it either. If I was in this relationship in I was of age their would be two opinion that matters and you should know whom they should be.
Whomever you choose to be with go in it with an open mind not closed as it is now. This guy could be a great man or a creep.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): Why does everyone online here say to beware of people online??
I mean does everyone want you to remain lonely?
Most people online are just like you and me. Half of them lonely, the other half bored as hell.
You won't seem slutty for meeting this guy. Just do it in a public place, check for eye contact and body language.
And if you want to get slutty later on I say "it's your thing, do what you wanna do wit it".
Don't listen to these fools trying to advise you to stay lonely. Have fun, get laid, and make an old man happy.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (1 October 2010):
 I'm assuming that since you said "I've been talking..." that this is an online relationship? You're talking about meeting him, which leaves me to believe that online or not, you haven't had much "in person" time together. Either way, you must be extremely careful. Online relationships are dangerous when they get extremely serious, like when one or both people say they love the other person. Falling in love online can be a false sense of love and lead to complications. You really need to develop a relationship in person for love to evolve. It's mainly that reason why you really need to be careful here. Don't feel guilty into telling him you love him because honestly, you shouldn't be saying that to him... and neither should he.
As far as the other things that you have said, I must say this (I'm not just trying to give you a pep-talk here) - no guy would ever want you? That is untrue. I'm sure you feel you've heard every rejection out there and then every encouragement out there from your family and friends trying to make you feel better, but the truth is... there is someone out there. There are SO many different types of people out there with different preferences and desires. The media today, especially here in the US, is incredibly fake and false in it's portrayal in what men (and women) want.
And for the record, love is complicated for everybody. If you look at online dating services there are people of difference ages, sizes, shapes, races. The search for love is difficult for anybody, and if you ask any married woman I guarantee they'll tell you they met a lot of jerks first. You just need to keep your head held high and keep a positive outlook. There is a good guy out there who will love you for you, and that's not a crock of crap... it's the truth.
As far as this guy goes? Don't settle. If you like him, fine... but meet him. Don't let him move too fast. Get to know him in person and see where the relationship progresses. Just because you've been rejected in the past doesn't mean you are not allowed to not like him. He may not be the guy for you. Be safe, protect yourself if you decide to meet him. The best thing you can do is use your "gut" for judgement. If you feel something just isn't right, then end it with him. However, don't not meet him because of any insecurities you might have. As long as you've been honest with him then give him a shot.
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