A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do you move on from a relationship without closure? I was with a wonderful man who treated me well for just over 2 years. It was long distance for the majority due to his work but we always ensured we'd see eachother twice a week. He treated me differently to any other man I've ever known and we had a fantastic relationship. He then had to move even further away and my father became very ill so we were then struggling to see eachother even once a month. We sat down together in July and mutually decided we needed time apart. We were only able to see eachother for maybe an hour once a month and because of our other commitments we could rarely speak on the phone either. We both said it was hurting too much being apart and not being able to do anything about it so we ended the relationship and vowed to stay friends as best we could. This worked fairly well for about 2 months, we had the occasional chat on the phone but because there was no pressure to see eachother it was more relaxed and seemed to work well. Then all through October he ignored me, wouldn't answer my calls and wouldn't reply to my texts. End of October I had a free weekend and knew he did too so I went to see him as a surprise. When he first saw me he was distant and almost seemed as if he didn't want to talk to me, then later when we were able to sit down and talk he hugged me and kissed me and said how much he'd missed me but hadn't acted on it as he knew that things couldn't change and he didn't see a long term future for us because of the circumstances, yet he was finding it hard just to see me as a friend. We had a lovely day together and arranged to meet the following month - as friends, I went home feeling very happy. We spoke on the phone once or twice and things seemed good, he was saying things like he'd never want to lose me as a friend and he couldnt imagine his life without me in it. then the two weeks before I was due to go and see him, he started ignoring me again. I text saying if I didn't hear from him I would assume he didn't want me to go and I heard nothing back, so didn't go. It's now been 2 months since I heard a word from him but I'm struggling so much to move on. I have asked him to delete me from Facebook etc but he won't, so yesterday I took a stand a deleted him as he clearly wants nothing more to do with me. I just don't know what to do, how do I move on with no closure?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 December 2012):
 You have your closure. I have never found folks that could truly be FRIENDS with an ex. friendly yes. civil yes... but FRIENDS.. nope just does not happen.
You deleted him from facebook.... now delete his email address and his phone number and move on...
when we end a relationship or a friendship we always say "we'll keep in touch" but the truth is we don't.
IF you could have anything in the world to give you closure what would it be?
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 December 2012):
 Put yourself first. I believe you want him to be the one saying to you he doesn't want anymore contact, and before he says that your caring nature tells you to wait even if it's hurting you. He is also waiting for you to bring closure. You have to understand him ignoring your text does not mean you are nothing, you are not important. It means he wants the relationship to dissolve without any hard feelings. Even when he didn't say these cruel words, "I don't want to hear from you anymore," he expressed to you it's hard to be your friend. So that is what you need as closure. He has decided that even if you contact him, surprise visit him, he would meet you, but he would not carry on this friendship. You don't have to think so hard on what to do. Time will make him slowly fade in your mind. You will know that letting go of this frustating relationship is a good thing.
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A
female
reader, Warm-Inspire +, writes (27 December 2012):
 I think he may of given you the closure just not as definitive as he could have.To put it simply, getting out of a 2 year relationship and going straight to being friends when there is still some apparent romantic feelings still there, isn't the best of plans.I'm guessing the reason why he is ignoring your texts and phone calls is to maybe gather himself, technically neither of you have had the time to get over eachother nor disconnect yourselves from any romantic feelings for eachother.The contact is just a constant reminder of your relationship and some people can find it harder to swallow while trying to move on than others.Meeting eachother you say as friends, then hugging and kissing sends mixed signals to both of you and can start the whole confusing suituation over again.I don't think its a fact of he wants nothing more to do with you, the time apart could benefit both of you, take some time to yourself as he is doing. Since you both mutually agreed that your relationship has come to an end you need some time to extinguish the intimacy before you can build a new friendship.Good luckX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): It's hard pumpkin, but you do have your closure .. He has told you from what you have posted and I have read, that he finds it extremely difficult even to be friends and begin honest that is true when people have strong feeling for each other.. What I feel is happening and do tell me if I'm wrong, you don't want to let go, there that part that hopes you two can rectify this and it will all turn out well for you both..But unless he is going to move near you, or you near him.. Sadly but honestly this isn't to be..I think you need to now just concentrate you .. Make a list of things you what to do.. May it be hobbies, achievements, dreams .. Go out with friends when you can..Is your father better? If not try and get some support from family friends or even if needs must social work..Look towards your future with positivity .. He has said goodbye, he cowardly though not to just say look I can't even be friends don't text.. His silence though says it all..Take care and try please to have a happy new year when it comes..
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A
female
reader, BieneMaya  +, writes (27 December 2012):
First of all I want to say that you WILL be able to move on.I have been through a lot of heartbreak to the point where I didn´t see any meaning in living without him.The truth is, it will go away and you won´t care about it anymore, because you don´t love the other person anymore and you will realise that it just wasn´t meant to be.And that´s just how it is. If it´s meant to be, he will come back into your life. But you can´t force him to.He obviously needs space atm, so give him that space and don´t try to contact him anymore.If he wants to, he will come back to you. If not than it just wasn´t meant to be and there will be someone who treats you even better than he did.
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