A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband cheated on me 2.5 years ago with someone he worked with and we almost got divorced, but we ended up trying to work it out. We have kids. Well, since then, he had made some sexual inuedos to some girl that was an ex of his friend via text abt a year ago in which I was very upset and he claims he was just joking - nothing intended. I was close to going ahead and separating then. Well recently, he caught up with an ex online from one of the websites (not a hook up site or anything), but a general facebook/linked in type site. He apologized to her for being so ignorant - he cheated on her but that was in high school. She said no biggie, she was over whatever happened between them and that was all cool. But then he mentioned they should meet up for drinks one night - he swears just to catch up, he wanted closure (ummm he already said sorry). I flipped and told him that I think we should talk about separating. He doesn't want to, but I don't want to deal with his stupidity to put himself into situations which could end up putting us back to where we were 2.5 years ago. Let me also say that this ex, now has a boyfriend and they have been together for abt 5 years, but she has only been divorced herself for 3 years.. hummm, she is a cheater too... obviously. I have also been faithful in my relationship, but now I am getting tired of being this way and not having my spouse respect the same. Again, he claims he only suggested to meet up with his ex for conversation nothing else, swears he only wants to stay here, nothing else, states willing to do whatever. I am torn between breaking up the family, but not only has he done this type of stuff that is just inconsiderate to me, but I don't know if I am happy anymore. I don't think someone should have to constantly worry. I cannot give myself to him fully and don't know if I ever can. I don't trust him enough. I am still young and don't want to waste my life on something that I am unsure if it is going to last. What are your thoughts? Share your experience.
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cheated on me, divorce, facebook, has a boyfriend, his ex, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): he broke the trust.........he must think that you are totally a fool for trying this 2nd attempt in meeting up with the ex. why don't just leave it as a text message and not hooking up.please continue to watch him, seems like he will try anything to meet up with females...but you know him best , has he really shown remorse for his affair, has he given you reason to believe that he will go back to his cheating days.you are suffering in this marriage because of his lack of fidelity. you need to stop the worrying, and take time to heal, start doing things for yourself and start loving yourself. I pray that you find the closure and heal through the difficult times in your marriage.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): Either way, the lost of trust in him is going to break the marriage. So it will end up in divorce at some time, but when is your decision. This environment is not good for your children, but they have to understand that they are not responsible for why you and your husband are going to go on separate ways. Staying in the marriage for the sake of kids is one reason, but it doesn't sound like he is going to change to keep the marriage stable. Honestly, I don't think you are being selfish here, because if you can't take care of yourself and always worry, then your children will suffer as well. Your husband has made his choice, and doesn't love you enough to respect what you have told him. You gave him his chance, and is taking you for granted. This is going to be difficult, but you will have to end it with him whether it be now or later. It is highly unlikely he will change and do what you ask of him if you constantly have to worry what he is doing.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (12 April 2009):
 I think that the massive lack of trust justified or not is going to break your marriage whatever we say.
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