A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have dated my girlfriend feor 11 years. I am 46 and she is 57. She has 3 adult children. Her 31 year old Daug currently lives with her with a 5 year old. She relocated from New York to Atlanta to help her Daug. I followed one year later and moved in with her. After 8 months of working I lost my job and could not find another in 8 month. I had to move back to New York to regroup. I recently decided to move back because we talk about marriage.She recently to;d me she loves me and would like a future with me be she do not want to live together right now and I should seek my own place.I feel that would be best and this was my plan however she said this before I could tell her. She also tends to bring up things from the past that we resolved long ago.I am somewhat confused because if there is a problem living together again indefinately, marriage may not be on her mind or in our future. She appears to want to hang on to her children and keep me in her life.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (23 May 2008):
Well if you want to marry this women, you should really be able to talk to her about your feelings. Talk to her about all this.
You both seem to want the same things but the fact she told you first has put all this doubt in your mind.
Have you thought that maybe she wants you to get a good job and a nice place and then she can come and move in with you and have a bit of time off to look for work while you pay the bills?
Perhaps she wants to move out from her daughter because her grand daughter is growing and she wants to leave the Atlanta place for them to be alone?
You talk about a long term relationship - 11 years is a long term relationship. You are already there!
Get a job, get a place, get a ring and get on your knee.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, kittikat +, writes (23 May 2008):
 You seem more disturbed that she told you her desires to move out before you could tell her...Her children probably aren't the problem...I think that she's sending you mixed messages and she has a very confusing life- she doesn't know what she wants! Talk to her about it, just like you did here-shit, after a few days there will more than likely be several answers. If you want a long term commitment or marriage and she doesn't, you have to move on. I have a gut feeling that you're a sweet man and she loves you for that. She might just change her mind.
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