A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my "boyfriend" three weeks ago after spending three months fighting with him about how he lied to me about being married. He told me after I told him that I loved him. I'm not stupid. He lied very well and I'm way too trusting and think the best of people. My whole word view is now skewered.Anyway, I am full of anger now and my first instinct is to tell his wife. Please talk me out of it. I know it would not be the right thing to do, but I can't even express how used and objectified I feel. I can't believe that somone thought so little of me to use me in such a way. I feel as if I'm not loveable or worthy of anyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): Dont bother telling his wife...why would you hurt her for?
let her find out about her husband on her own..
You dont know what their dynamics are, or how he would spin this to make you out as the bad guy...
hon, just run away from this one..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): you do not need someone else to talk you out of doing what you really feel is the right thing to do. anyway, it may not make any difference to the wife in fact it might bring them closer after all. She may have probably gone through it already more than once or twice but, if they have a mutual understanding about cheating, you will be more hurt and angry when it backfires in your face. If you really want to walk away, you already know
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): you do not need someone else to talk you out of doing what you really feel is the right thing to do. anyway, it may not make any difference to the wife in fact it might bring them closer after all. She may have probably gone through it already more than once or twice but, if they have a mutual understanding about cheating, you will be more hurt and angry when it backfires in your face. If you really want to walk away, you already know
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): I say tell her because I am a wife that has been cheated on. I went thru hell trying to figure out his lies and cheating ways. If you tell her you'll be saving her from further lies and pain, because after you there is always more if he doesnt already have many more as mine did. He lies to his wife and lies to you so he can pull you in emotionally to keep you in it for his sexual pleasure. I feel your scared to tell his wife because somehow you don't want it to end - you fell for his trap if you don't say anything. Don't let him use both of you.. stop his game and SAY SOMETHING NOW!!!! His wife deserves to know so she can have that chance to leave his rotten ass. The longer you wait to expose him the longer she lives in pain.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): TELL THE WIFE.
How dare he do this to you! She has a right to know. You are not just a doormat and he cant just walk all over you, treat you like shit and then think that you will just be his little dirty secret. Once she knows the truth that will be his problems and not yours. He may make out that you are a slut and so on but deep down you know the truth and that is all that matters. He is the homewrecker not you. Why should you use your energy trying to move on with this hanging over your head. It will be easier to move on when all is out in the opens otherwise that anger will fester inside you!!!!
Tell her and then atleast you will get that closure that you deserve. You are a strong, empowered women and she should be too. She should know the truth and then decide where she wants to go or what she wants to do from there. Who cares what she thinks of you. You know who you are, you dont know her. If she doesnt like what she has heard then you can walk on and choose to leave them behind. They are nothing in your life all you are doing is being honest.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): Ok well I hope to make you feel a little better in some way because precisely the same thing happened to me only not only did he kindly explain he was married but that his wife was 7 months pregnant !!!!!!!!!!! All this just after we had had sex and he had told me he loved me and I had said it for the first time to him. Its as if they wait to get you 'snared' into the relationship hook line and sinker and then tell you the bad news. My guy didn't wear a ring, told me he was going ski-ing with his mates and acted very much the single guy. What I am saying is they tell you what they want to sometimes but it is not your fault he is a liar. Personally I think you have had a lucky escape to find out early. I was one year in to the relationship and it nearly destroyed me - couldn't eat or sleep for the rage and hurt I felt inside. It also screwed me right up about babies etc. I wanted to tell his wife but I thought of the child and realised that the problem was theirs / his and I absolutely had no intention of being part of a mess. Revenge by telling her would only perpetuate the hurt. I would imagine she suspects him anyway - I also imagine it isn't the first time he's done it to her he sounds quite cold and calculated. If its any help I can look back with absolutely no feelings at all - it ws 5 years ago now. Meeting a decent honest man who was kind really helped. I had trust issues but I told him what had happened and he was totally up front with me. I was left paranoid by what happened but you must really try hard not to let it get to you. Not all men are like this. It is a painful experience for you but the very best revenge would be to meet another guy and be really happy. Trust me - he is clearly not happy but is too weak to sort his life out or is just selfish. You are better than that so really, as long as your future is better then that is the most important thing. Don't waste any more energy on him. I took up 'Boxercise' at the local gym - got some pent up energy out of me! The really funny thing was 2 years afterwards he emailed me out of the blue and can you believe he tried it on - asked me out in almost a desperate way - I just told him to get lost and it was a sweet victory :-))
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reader, rockelle +, writes (22 January 2008):
 This is not your fault in any way. He is the lair, he is the cheat and you did the right thing by ending things with him. You did what so many women do not have enough sense to do. If you think it will make you feel better to tell his wife what an ass she is married to then go right ahead. But I must warn you she may not be very grateful for the information.
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female
reader, Dawnie  +, writes (22 January 2008):
 Surely you are better off without this man, as he has not behaved well. Better to count yourself lucky. As for telling his wife, well if he is as good at lying as you say he is he is sure to wiggle out of it and you will look like some tart that was after him. I know it is stating the obvious and i see he tricked you but why did you not dump him when you found he was married? you may have loved him, but finding out something as serious as that changes things surely. As i have said in a previous post i went out with someone who was married before i met my husband, i did not know he was married, he was only about 20!!, i was 17. I had really strong feelings for him but there was no way i was going to go with someone married and i dumped him. It hurt for a while but i soon got over it. You will too.
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reader, hello1 +, writes (22 January 2008):
 There's arguments for both side, as most people will tell you not too I give you a reason too tell. If you had a husband wouldn't you want to know if he was cheating on you? also its wasting this wife time being with this man as he's a cheater and their gonna split up anyway. Personally I send her a letter then leave it.
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reader, Cherriepie +, writes (22 January 2008):
 Dont talk to her wife. The guy did you wrong, of that there is no doubt, but you shouldnt put her in the middle of it. She's his problem...not yours. He cheated and he lied to you as well. He's not worth your time. He's a loser, so get over him fast.
What he did to you he could have done to anybody, so don't feel singled out and make it too personal. He is the one who did wrong, not you.
I feel for you hun...just cry it out and move on.
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female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (22 January 2008):
 Just because he Lied to you, doesnt make you the bad person. He was the one married and not you.
Should you tell his wife Emm! Thats a hard one.
No doubt he deserves it, but the chances are he will either 1, Deny it.
2, Make you out to be a slut that chased him
3, Tell her the truth, cry and beg forgiveness. (which of course she will, even though she will be really hurt)
You Honey cannot win, whatever you do.
My advice.. Except you made a balls up, and keep you dignity. After all you got rid of the snake when you found out.
Next time be carefull XX
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