A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 19 and am in my second year of college. Within a few months of my first year I met someone I felt I was completely compatible with. We had similar interests, had the same group of friends, and she's beautiful. I started hinting at the fact that I liked her "secretly" and she was very receptive and flirty (apparently she and everyone else found it obvious). Then she told me she had a boyfriend, but still continued to flirt, but I backed off because I felt weird about potentially hurting her relationship. Now almost a year later we are still friends(I still have feelings) and she has "ended"(a few times) her relationship with her boyfriend. I would like to try for something more than just friends, but it seems like she is still obsessed with her ex.(one day she completely hates him [openly announces it], then the next she's "in a complicated relationship") On top of that what if she doesn't think of me in that way anymore? If I admit how I still feel I could completely destroy our friendship... what do I do? I'm still crazy about her but am very hesitant about the consequences of being completely honest with her...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): I'm in a similar situation. Really, I think the best thing to do is just nurture the friendship and find another girl to focus your romantic attentions on. Yeah, I know how hard it is, but you run the risk of losing her for real if you take the relationship route, plus you'd prob end up as a rebound. Her ex is clearly too powerful an influence. You've waited around long enough. Be friends, but save yourself any more heartache and find someone else.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): Honesty is always the best route to take. She may be on and off w/ someone else, but obviously it's not serious. Sometimes you have to fight to get what you want. Being a female, I would prefer that my male friend came to me openly about his feelings than for him to have feelings deeper than a friendship and me not realize it. Of course rejection is always a scare, but at least it'll be off your chest and you don't have to sit back and wonder "what if?" When it comes to love, it is always best to express your feelings and make people aware.
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