A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:About 6 weeks ago I went to an 18th with my boyfriend who I've been with for one year and love so dearly! I would never hurt him or cheat on him and these are my 2 biggest fears. I also have a big fear of ever losing him. The thought of it kills me and makes me burst into tears. So we were at this party. I usually stay with my boyfriend at all parties. I had a couple of drinks before I got to the party and I started drinking when I got there. I started to feel abit emotional because my boyfriend was fighting with his best mate. I felt bad about it because I felt as though part of it was my fault and I started crying. My boyfriend left me to sort things out with him and he left me most of the night around other people. I left my bottle unattended a few times and one of the girls at the party was giving me some of her drinks which I may have been leaving unattended as well. It all happened so fast. I remember feeling drunk but still in control of myself. Then all of a sudden I was having slight blackouts and slurring my words. I remember running up to someone and asking them to kiss me. I kissed the person then ran off laughing "haha I just kissed someone else". But I couldn't do that to my boyfriend. I could never hurt him. I'm sure if I kissed someone else I would've started to cry the moment after it happened. I couldn't see who I kissed and that's what is worrying me. I could've kissed my boyfriend and ran off laughing the same thing thinking I kissed someone else because I was too drunk to see who it was. I remember some guy being at the party who was wearing a shirt similar to my boyfriends. I could've kissed him thinking it was my boyfriend. I could've dreamt about this that night when I went home to sleep or the night after. I don't know. It scares me so much and I am too scared to talk to my boyfriend about it because he has said before that if I cheat he will leave me. I cried about it on the second and third day after the party. I was going to tell my boyfriend about it on the third day but I got distracted and thought that maybe I wasn't supposed to tell him because maybe nothing happened. I didn't worry about it but still thought about it and was worried that whenever I ran into people who were at the party and knew my boyfriend that they would say something to me or him. If I did cheat surely someone would've said something to me that night or told my boyfriend straight or by now. It's been 6 weeks now and the last few days I've been crying about it and I haven't been able to eat properly because of the stress. I'm so scared and I want to talk to him about it. He will be angry either way because I didn't tell him straight away but I can't lose him. I've been thinking a lot about it and doing research. I found out that people on ocd medication can see/think they're doing or saying something they aren't when the medication is mixed with the alcohol. My boyfriends ex was at the party and she always gives us funny looks or laughs at us when she sees us and so do some of her friends. I have a feeling her, one of her friends or one of the guys at the party could have spiked my drink. They could've put ice medication or any other medication or something mild in my drink. I hate getting blind drunk and I didn't plan on getting that drunk that night. I am so angry with myself. I don't know if I'm just thinking things or researching things so I can find what I want to believe but I can't accept the fact that I might have just got too drunk and couldn't handle my alcohol. I couldn't cheat on my boyfriend and not care about it. I definitely wasn't myself that night and I don't want to believe that it was just the alcohol. I'm trying to think hard and get as much information as I can before I talk to my boyfriend about it if I do. I feel like I have to tell him which is the right thing but I don't know if he'll believe what I say or understand me. He could just break up me like he said he would if I ever cheated on him. I don't think I could just live with the guilt and forget it but I really can't lose him. He is all I want in my life and I would do anything for him. Some people can have their drink spiked and have no idea or ever find out about it. I was researching about it and one girl said that it took her a whole year until she figured out that she was roofied. I felt really drunk the night of the party but I find it weird how I all of a sudden started having blackouts and was completely blind at the end of the night. I did leave my drinks unattended I don't know how many but that does make me wonder as it is a way to have your drink spiked. I couldn't tell if I was spiked or not though and I have no proof now if I did or not. But the next day I felt really yuck in the stomach. I couldn't eat all day and the next day I got a cough. I walked to the doctor and I felt really weak in the chest. I felt like my asthma was flaring up. I started taking codeine for my cough and it made me really weak as that is a side effect. But I do wonder how I got that cold. I don't know if it was from a medication that may have been put in my drink. It could have drawn all of my energy which may have caused the cold or my drink could have been spiked with antibiotics. I don't know what happened that night and I feel terrible about this situation.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 December 2015):
 I think deep down you know yourself that you just drank to much and that you have memories off running up and kissing someone else. Stop blaming other people and take the responsibility yourself. Tell your boyfriend what happened, don't blame other people. This is what alcohol can do to people, you need to learn to control it or cut it out completely if you don't want to put yourself in that situation again, but this time you need to accept what happened.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2015): Hi,It seems like you have got yourself worked up into quite a state, all over not very much at all.To summarise what happened...You got drunk.You may (or may not) have kissed someone else.The next day you felt ill.Forget wondering if your drink was spiked - it does happen but not anywhere near as often as people make out. And, never with antibiotics!Far more common is people doing things they regret while drunk, and then saying they were spiked as a way of saying "but it wasn't my fault".The chances are you felt ill because you drank too much. Feeling off your food etc the next day is a very common hangover effect.Kissing somebody else, well that's no big deal really. Is it cheating? Well, it can be, but from your descrption, you ran up to somebody and gave them a little peck. To be honest, if your boyfriend is so insecure that it would be a problem then he has bigger problems than what you did!The real issue here is that you went to a party and drank too much. You need to learn to drink more responsibly.It's a mistake we've all made though. Just learn your lesson, drink more moderately in the future, forgive yourself and move on.Good luck,P
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