A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Yes I know it was and is wrong and I know many people will deserve the pain I am in. I am married for almost 7 years...my husband is great and all that normal stuff no abuse etc. Just no affection. 8 months ago I met someone due to interests we share. We hit it off from the first night hanging out and actually has had a 8 month relationship. I wouldn't just call it an affair I saw him 3-5 times a week and we talked online all day, texted all the time and talked on the phone hours on in. Well he knew my situation from the first day that I was married and wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon. Well now long story we have broken up for a 3rd time now and this time it feels the realest yet in my heart and gut. Each time has been from him not being able to handle me being married along with us "fighting".ANYWAY I am heartbroken and yes I am sure some will say I deserve it... but how in the World do I get over this heartbreak especially by being married. I don't want anyone else than the person I have been with so the normal going out and partying and hooking up etc is not an answer. Help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am very very very much in love with this guy.... I just can't risk leaving my husband....we have an amazing home, insurance, paid for cars, he has an amazing job etc.
This other guy I honestly would have probably left my husband for if all of that was true.... he lives in a HORRIBLE apartment complex that he can't get out of, drives a horrible car, gets paid nothing although he has a degree and has a 1 year old son.
It's as if LOVE isn't enough in this situation though... because honestly if everything I listed I have with my husband this other man had I would be gone.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2008): Wow I was in a VERY VERY similar situation as you. I was with my husband for 10 years we was married for 6 years. He was very unaffectionate and I was very depressed. I ended up meeting this guy and he was amazing. I managed to see him ALOT we talked on the phone and txt every day all day. He took me places treated me like I was his queen however we broke up alot due to the fact I was still married and it was hard for the guy I was seeing. But I guess the difference of you an I was I knew I no longer wanted to be with my husband and I was very much in LOVE with the guy I was seeing but never knew how to go about getting out into the big world. I was scared for my 7 year old because all I ever knew was my husband from the age of 16. Im now 26. Welll me and the guy I was seeing broke up for the final time back in October. He was serious that time and actually moved on. I was so messed up over the situation I did some stupid things by trying to end myself and ended up in the hospital. I felt i lost my only chance at a happier life. We stopped talking for two months and I was like a lost puppy. FInally in december on christmas day I took the chance and we began to talk again. By feb I made the decision to finally leave my husband. I didnt want this chance to be lost again like I almost lost it before. By april we moved in together, and now im going through the process of my divorce, im happier than i ever have been before and were expsecting a baby in Jan. I feel my life is complete. Dont let the comments or morals of everyone else persuade you. If you love him, truly LOVE him, dont delay, follow your heart.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (19 June 2008):
 Hi,
I wont say you deserved it, but by the same token you know you are responsible for your own actions and you have cheated on your husband.
The only way to get over the grief is to try and focus not on this man but on the man you are married to. If you have a future work on it, but if he shows you no affection its not much of a marriage is it. So I guess the question is why are you still in a loveless marriage?
Has your husband always been bereft of affection or is it something that has developed over time? Have you talked to your husband about the lack of affection in your marriage? Perhaps you should try counselling together .
Basically the marriage is either worth saving or it isnt. Your grief at the loss of your "friend" should be put aside and all your energies devoted to finding out whether you can save your marriage - that should be your priority.
If there is no hope then you should free yourself and then you can date anyone you want without carrying the baggage of being a married lady into the relationship.
Good luck.
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