A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am expecting a child with my partner. Having only been together 18 months i am worried a little. I do feel our relationship is strong but my doubts start when he goes out drinking with his friends. He drinks too much and cant even speak when he gets home. If he is staying away or i am away at friends overnight he wont return a goodnight txt or call. Ive spoken to him and told him how much this upsets me and as i am pregnant im even more sensitive. He has just done it again and i feel like just not being contactable for the whole day today to give him some of his own medicine...is this immature and will it cause more problems? He doesnt really go out often..id say a couple of nights a month. Am i being unreasonable to be annoyed with him over this? I struggle with it aswell because this behaviour is in stark contrast to his day to day behaviour.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): thank you so much for your responses, i have decided to stay away until this evening he is already trying to call and txting im going to turn my phone off and enjoy the day for myself. When i go home ill try my best to have a reasonable conversation...infact i might just stay at friends tonight...i think it coul make him see a little what it is like for me...shouldnt do him too much harm! Thanks again
A
female
reader, Vulnerable_Venus +, writes (29 March 2009):
You are pregnant! You have every right to be "unreasonable", haha.
In all seriousness, You are having this man's child. You deserve his attention and respect. If he is not contacting you during your pregnancy and is stumbling in drunk and far gone, do you not consider what things will be like when this baby is born?
Do what is right for yourself and your baby.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): You know I had a boyfriend did the same thing to me. (I wasn't pregnant, we lived together). I think it's perfectly fine him going out with friends without you a couple of times a month...it is not ok to come home completely drunk to the point of not speaking. Is he driving himself when he does that? He could kill himself or someone else, not to mention he is likely to get a DUI, which could harm him from getting a future job and cost him thousands to take care of.
I also think it is inconsiderate of him not to call or answer you when you are trying to contact him, probably as the night wears on he gets so drunk he doesn't care or doesn't think about doing those things.
I do think men like him take their partners for granted, and talking isn't going to change things, you've tried that I bet. If you have somewhere you can go, I would spend a couple of nights there and be unreachable by phone or text....let him see what it is like....It will get his attention, but don't make the mistake I did and when you do speak to him, don't jump down his throat or refuse to talk to him. Tell him how it makes you feel when he does that, tell him your concerns, use I statements so that he can hear that he hurt you. If he won't work on changing this behavior, you have a decision to make as to whether or not you want to continue to live this way.
He may not want to change his drinking habit, but you've done everything you can to get it accross to him. He is about to be a father, he needs to grow up and take care of himself because he is needed and he has responsibilities to you and your child.
Good Luck.
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