A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm sick of being single. I'm 33, I have no children, I have a job I hate, I have a home that still needs several grand in work to finish it. I've taken an almost 1 year sebatical from dating. I've learned that I went after women that needed taken care of due to me taking care of my paralyzed mother as I was growing up. Now I feel like I am at rock bottom and I'm looking for the bottom of the rock. I am sad, depressed, lonely. All of my friends have moved on and gotten married with families. All my parents say is just keep doing your thing and the right one will come along. I am incredibly sick of this. What can I do to get out of this slump? All of my coworkers are married and if they aren't they are way too young for me. I often wonder what the heck is wrong with me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (22 October 2011):
 And I am sorry my post was longer than usual. But Rome was not built in a day. And I sensed a number of issues and wanted to touch on any that might be relevant and might be able to help
Regards
Abella
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (22 October 2011):
Hi
Great Answer from KittieS
I am going to list in priority order some things that I think may help. But you are the ultimate decider on this. My aim was to slowly take you on a journey to the point where your needs are met as a gradual process towards where you need to be to enjoy life more.
Your Sabbatical from dating is a great idea. Once a few other areas are addressed the girls will be approaching you. so in the mean time there are other things to consider.
You may possibly suffering some mild depression due to so many set backs. That condition is Treatable, and you need to see you Doctor. Please see your Doctor about the Depression issue as that settled and the rest of your life may start to look brighter. If you are not depressed the Doctor will send you on your way.
And if you are then you will get the treatment and support that you need. But do visit the Doctor as Depression is so tiring and exhausting.
depression link
http://helpguide.org/topics/depression.htm
Also you will find ladies and people in general more receptive to a positive guy. Being negative can be very emotionally draining. It is why fit young healthier people start o attract a partner earlier.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/tunnel-vision-positive-thinking---used-to.html
And a fit guy will always attract the girls.
So please check out the nearest gym. Or try cycling or even swimming. Plus before you ever consider starting a relationship, do a tune up on things that affect relationships.
http://helpguide.org/topics/relationships.htm
It is all very well for your parents to think that things will just magically right themselves. There are some real issues that have built up over time and these things do need addressing before you will have the conditions right for a relationship. One of our friends was 42 before he finally met and married a 30 year old. Until then we all thought he was a confirmed bachelor. Conditions in his life were not right until he was 40 to really find the woman of his dreams and 2 children later he is very happy.
You do need to get your CV in good order if you are ever going to score the job of your dreams. And getting satisfaction in your work is very important.
Think outside the square.
Satisfy your expectations, Not those of family or friends or parents. The job you really need may be unlike any you have done before.
Even if you need to ask a professional CV creator to assist. Start packaging up the product (you) to allow the Employers to see that they need you.
And before you do front up for an interview do write out the likely questions. And the best answers. Then supply the answers to a family member or good friend. Ask your family member or friend to then read out the questions in random order and listen to your answer to ensure that you conver all the bases in your answer. No cheating. Preparation before and interview can make all the difference.
You also need to work on your self esteem issues and try to improve your belief in you.
Improving mind body and spirit
http://helpguide.org/topics/mind_body.htm
Employers and people and girls gravitate to a confident person who believes in themselves. you have more qualities and good attributes than you realise.
Your home may need to be sold if it is a millstone around your neck. With the proceeds you can buy a home that needs no work. and perhaps have some left over for a Long Needed vacation somewhere nice?
Until you get some others areas settled in your life then the time may not yet be right for you to form a viable relationship with a lady.
I can certainly see how being a carer for a long time has affected your outlook. It certainly seems that some leisure time and some fun time. Put back into your life some fun and introduce permission into your life to relax and get in touch with no guilt pleasure at enjoying visiting some great places. And allowing you to relax for long chunks of time. Could you take up fishing? Go white water rafting. Back-pack in Peru?
Just introduce some regular fun without any guilt at enjoying some uplifting enjoyable activities.
Other activities that could allow you to get some more joy out of life and as a by product make you more interesting and attractive to a whole range of nice women include:
Team activities or solo activities such as weight-lifting, bicycling, swimming, running, It doesn’t matter what the activity is as long as it gets the blood pumping and heart racing.
An activity that can bring you into contact with others or allow you to get pleasure doing it as a solo activity is photography. You may like to join a club to learn more or visit a camera shop to have the aspects explained to you. Digital cameras are very forgiving today. It is a hobby that will get you out into the outdoors, Create art you can frame and put on your wall. And lift your spirits.
And when you are starting to feel really good about you you may want to do some volunteering in the community on a project to improve the community. Reaching out to others and helping others feels good. But before you are ready for that you need to give back to you a lot more and nurture you and be kind and forgiving to you.
And a revamp of your wardrobe would not hurt. So many men think their chosen wardrobe is "smart" when in reality it is too sombre, too boring and too out of date and the colors chosen are drab. visit a quality smart casual men's attire shop. Tell him your budget and allow him to help you choose some clothing that will start you off with some neat casual clothing in contemporary colors and styles. And toss out your out of date clothing.
And when you are more ready to connect with women? where are they hiding? they are at work, just waiting for you to ask them to join you for lunch.
They are in Circuit and Zumba classes at the gym.
They are playing social games of sports that are mixed in a relaxed rather than a competitive setting.
They are attending art gallery openings.
They are invovled in community clubs and activities.
They are interested in the heritage of old buildings
They travel and enjoy doing so. Never be afraid to say hi to the lady sitting next to you on a plane.
they shop at supermarkets
they attend MasterClasses on better gourmet cooking techniques
They are everywhere. But you may not see them until you feel a whole lot better about you.
I have tried to list the things that might help in priority order.
And I do hope that you find something of use in the above answer.
regards
Abella
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2011): 1. Go out with your friends once a week, drink a beerenjoy youreself.2. Go get a job you like, so you can enjoy youerself.3. Buy some computer games to play when you bored.4. if you don't like you'r house buy a small appartment so you having more money left to enjoy youreself.etc... do all this over and over again every week and you wkill be happy,
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A
female
reader, KittieS  +, writes (22 October 2011):
 Thought there was no hope for me either, then I realised what I needed to do - so here is what I think you need to do.You need to love yourself first, before you can love anyone else You need to accept yourself, be yourself and know and understand yourself before you can share your life with someone.You need to know what you want in life, enjoy your life - take up hobbies, get a new job if you hate the one you have.Once you don't actually "need" anyone, but want to share your life with a special someone then your find someone, who is important and a valuable addition/compliment to your life.
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