A
female
age
36-40,
*haser21
writes:i am in a situation where i married a guy but we have not had the ceremony yet. we got married so he could apply for housing (he is in active army) so i could go live with him overseas after our ceremony.. we are supposed to have the wedding in october, but i am having second thoughts about spending the rest of my life with this guy.. if we were just engaged, it would be much easier, but in this situation i am unsure of what i would have to do. we dont have any assets, no kids, nothing really that we need to split. we've never even lived together. what would be the procedure in my situation? and how much should i be prepared to spend?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, no_issues +, writes (2 July 2008):
 Porn teaches us that the first step to a life of freedom and random sex with groups of strangers, coworkers, and/or extended family members is to tell the person you're currently with that it's over and then move out.
Eventually you will need a lawyer to formalize the divorce. From porn we learn that you will also have sex with this lawyer, and his law partners, and their secretaries, but there is evidence that in real life it may not actually work that way every time, so be warned.
A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 Well half of nothing is nothing and here in the uk even if one of you had a lot more than the other you would not be entitled to any assets the other person held before they met you until you have been married for a certain amount of time. My husband was married 5 years last time and was told it was classed as a short marriage.
The bit that costs the most if you have nothing to lose financially is the solicitors and court costs. The more contact you have the more you pay. If you can come up with an agreement of divorce between you without any hostility on your partners part then it can be done cheaply. Also here you are somtimes entitled to a certain amount of free costs depending on your income.
My divorce cost nothing to either party, I didnt have to pay as I only worked part time and my ex didnt even bother with a solicitor. I arranged it all with my solicitor, we then had to wait for 2 years during which time we were separated. My ex just walked in to my solicitors office and signed a piece of paper, and that was after 17 years together (almost 10 of marriage)and 2 of separation. We drew up our own agreement and managed to keep it civil and amicable so no unnecessary toing and froing or calls and letters between solicitors. My solicitor didnt argue for any more as the agreement was fair to us both.
A friend of mine spent over £10,000 because they wouldnt agree on the financial details of the divorce and it took years to settle it. Another friend did it all on the internet and it cost a total of £500.
SO the best thing to do is check out the divorce laws where you are, go online, ring round and see if you are entitled to a free half hour with a solicitor as we are here. If you both agree then it could be done cheaply. I wish you luck and I think you are right not to go through with the ceremony if you are unsure of your future together x
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (2 July 2008):
This is exactly the reason why the army has such an incredibly high divorce rate.
If he wasn't posted overseas and was just working in the local shop, you wouldn't have thought about getting married. You're doing it mainly for financial and practical reasons.
And the life of an army wife is incredibly hard.
I guess it depends what marriage means to you. If you see this as a paper contract which you needed to get a house, then that's fine. Go with it, live together and when it ends then it ends. Just FOR GODS SAKE don't have kids. I mean it's risky enough to have kids with an army guy since the chances of him getting blown up are quite high at the moment.
If you see marriage as a life long vow or in a religious way then you need to not go through with the ceremony. Tell him you'll been looking at the figures and you'd rather spend the money on something else.
Good Luck!! xx
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