A
female
age
30-35,
*age.carter
writes:I am dating a momma's boy?Help me understand please!?Hello everyone,My boyfriend and I are doing longdistance relationship,i really love him a lot,and i think he loves me too.a little bit of background,we first dated 5 years ago( i was 17 at that time),he was my first boyfriend, but we ended up splitting due to a friend of his telling him lies about me,he believed him and kissed some other girl for revenge,but in the end he came to me apologized,i forgave him but we didnt go back together,that was 5 years ago. End of 2010 we decided to give it another try,since then we have been planning to meet but there is always something,he was suppose to come 2011 summer but he had an internship and it was a last minute chance,i couldnt go either.This summer his family is going away for vacation and i am also going away with some of my friends, and since we were going to the same place,my boyfriend and I thought it was a very good opportunity to spend at least a month together,however,i just got an internship,so i told him i wasnt going to be able to go for a month on vacation.I suggested to go see him for two weeks or a week either before he finishes his school session or he can come see me before he goes on vacation or once he is done with school he can wait for me for like a week and then i can go see him,he said NO,TO ALL THE SUGGESTIONS. one being he is very busy with school right now,so i cant go see him in the middle of the session and the others being " his mum wont let him wait for me for a week after he finishes school, nor can she let him come to see me before going on vacation", the guy is 25 years old(well he will be in august). He said he will try to come see me in October or September,i told him that i will be in school,but in summer we will have more time,even if its a week,but a week without having to worry about school or work but just the two of us being together,he says that no he knows his mum,she would never let him,therefore its better for him to come in September.He can come in September but we wont have as much time together because of school.Maybe i am wrong,but i really dont how he cant try harder so we can meet this summer,i mean yes our mums can be difficult, but if he really wanted to so badly wouldn't he find something to tell to his mum so he can come? By the way his mum works for the goverment but in another country. Why do i feel like he is not putting as much effort in this? He told me if we don't get to see each other in summer its not the end of the world,we will find another time,he can wait for me as long as it takes. But why doesn't that make me feel better?I haven't seen him in more than a year and he tells me its not the end of the world?I always mail him letters,cards,etc .. but i have a feeling i am more invested,i dont feel like i am his priority at all.I was thinking to let it go,be friends for now and if we end up meeting again in the future we will see,because i feel like this one sided relationship.What do you guys think?Am i being selfish or unreasonable?I love him very much otherwise i would have let this go already because he sounds very dependent and maybe not really grown, yes his mum pays his tuition and all but that shouldnt be a reason to not see me .We normally talk about our future together,Thank you
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 April 2012):
 No I don't think you are asking to much at all. I guess he just does not want to lie to his mother, however yes he is an adult so it is time he stood on his own two feet and make his own decisions in life, but you are right he is not trying hard enough. He is an adult now, so he should be able to make up his own mind.
A
female
reader, sage.carter +, writes (29 April 2012):
sage.carter is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ aunt honesty thank you so much for your input.So you think i should understand him?His reasons are valid?I am not asking him to stop respecting his mum because i would never do that,and my mum means the world to me,nevertheless i can make some decisions on my own.Dont you think he could have came up with something to tell his mum so he can come to see me or wait for me,so i can go there?I am asking too much?But i also agree we dont really have much time for each other,and it makes me want to resent him because it feels like he is not trying hard enough.
@ anonymous, so he cant have an opinion?Our parents we owe them a lot,however i think they also have been our age,and they know how it is,I just want a week with him thats all. I am not asking for a lot.But thanks a lot for your opinion
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (29 April 2012):
I think it is best if you both decide just to be friends at the moment, until such time where you can both actually spend quality time together, if you are feeling that you are the one putting all the effort in to this then go with your gut feeling. I understand that he respects his mum and her decisions at the end of the day she is supporting him so am sure he does not want to upset her. Talk to him about how you are feeling and see what he has to say. But it is clear that you both just do not have the time for each other at the moment so I suggest calling it quits and see what happens at a later date.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2012): "his mum pays his tuition and all but that shouldnt be a reason to not see me."But it is, and she's probably dangling it like a carrot on a string to keep him dependent on her. "We normally talk about our future together,"Your future together will be mum, him, and you. In that order. Bank on it. Momma's boys are raised to be momma's boys by emotionally unhealthy mommas who will never let them go, and very few ever have the wherewithal to overcome a lifetime of conditioning and break the apron strings.You are in a no-win situation. Mum will eventually force the issue by making him choose, and he'll choose her. You are a threat to her way of life and she will continue driving a wedge between you by whatever means necessary to get you out of his life. You've wasted enough time on him already with little to show. He's not going to magically change for you because mum won't let him.
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