A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am not happy that my once good normal loving relationship of over 2 years has turned into a long distance one (about 6 hours apart - my boyfriend moved for work because he had to transfer or lose his job in a downsize).I don't really want to move although he says we may have to make sacrifices to stay together and he can't come back, so it's obviously me who gets to do the sacrificing! So we're stuck. I discussed it with him and suggested we go our seperate ways but he was having none of it and keeps saying "we will work it out somehow" except this has been going on for almost a year without anything changing. I feel as if my life is on hold and have considered doing or saying something nasty to get him to dump me because I am so frustrated and he seems to ignore a sensible discussion.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 June 2012):
 He is right, ONE of you has to move to stay together.
you can't keep doing LDR forever.
if you have tried to end it and he refused you do have choices.
You go see him one last time.
you tell him at the start of the weekend that you are here to get closure and say goodbye that MOVING is not an option for you and he's there and not coming back so there is no sense in doing this LDR thing. ONE of the things an LDR needs is an end to the distance.
It's not him
It's not you
It's circumstance and that stinks but it is what it is.
When you leave at the end of the weekend you say goodbye. Tell him that maybe later on you two can be friends but for right now you feel its' best to go NO contact and then do it.
be prepared to cry for a few weeks and be called names
go home block his phone number on your phone, send his emails to a folder so you don't see them (or block him totally if you think that you will be tempted to read them)
block him on facebook etc... (do not feel the need to change your status yet...give yourself time to heal... being the "dumper" in this case is going to be just as hard as being the dumpee)
you have my permission to wail and moan for 6 weeks then get on with life.
in about 3 months if you feel safe enough and strong enough you can unblock him if you want.
this sucks but I don't see any other options for you.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 June 2012):
 When there is nothing wrong with the relationship besides the distance, no one likes to be the dumper. He is frustrated as well. Since he is the one who moved away, he feels responsible to correct the problem by thinking of ways to move back to where he was. If you break up with him it feels like you don't want to be patient for him. He is going to feel he failed you, it's all too late and he is not going to put himself in a position of failure. Patience is a good virtue men value but however you are in control of your life too. You can end this by being firm and persistent with no contact. If you say something nasty to provoke a break up he can sense that you still have strong feelings for him and it will prompt him to keep you. It's more effective to be indifferent to the outcome. When you can get to the point where you don't care what he is feeling, whether he has a new girl, when he would come back eventually, then you are ready to move on smoothly with your life.
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