A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I don’t know how to manage my financial disagreement with my b/c. We’ve been together for 3 years and I am the one working and making good money; and he is the student living on loans. Because we live in different state, I had always been the one paying for plane ticket (twice a month), dinners, nights out, drinks, movies, grocery shopping you name it. I had never have an issue with it, or complain about it. I believe that love is first then money after. However, he started working recently, and he had been paying for dinner sometimes now, but I am still spending the money for my ticket and some other stuff as well. The problem is that we want to move in together, then he ask me How did I wanted the money to be held separately or together. You see, the thing is that we talked about this before when he got no job and we both agreed on putting it together. I answered him that I didn’t know how I wanted the money, but he says that he wants it separately. I don’t know why would he changed his mind, is it because he is making money now and is afraid that I may take it? Then, I hate that ‘cause I don’t think myself like that. I have spent a lot of money. What should I do? I also told him that we were not marry and that plays an important factor. It infuriates me the way he thinks about money and I am not like that at all. I had spent a lot of money in the relationship, I even bought him a very expencive flight ticket to visit me. I just don’t think about money when it comes to relationships. I don’t know how to handle it and we seem to disagree.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): Well, for now you should keep everything seperate and keep a 'loose' track of who spends what. I don't mean keep a tally, but it's kind of like I do with my friends, If I paid for dinner/drinks the last 2 or 3 times, I will keep quiet when the bill comes. If I haven't, I'm the first to grab the bill and pay. For now, I would keep your money seperate and try to play it fair. Howver, I completely disagree with 'uncle_phil', once married you need to have joint accounts, not just because it is right, but in the USA, all money, even in a seperate account (unless it was from prior to the marriage) is joint property. He could walk into the bank, prove you are married, and have access to the money. It would really suck to be married and not have openness about your finances, but for now, since you aren't at that stage, I would keep it all seperate and just 'share' the expenses as you are doing.
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (20 December 2007):
 maybe he doesn't want to have access to your money and use you. When it comes to relationships money is a major issue and having different attitudes to money is a common problem. Unless i was married to someone i wouldn't want to join my finances with them. If you paid for things like plane tickets that only you could afford it doesnt mean he owes you but if the implication at the time was that he would pay you back then he should now he has the finacial capacity-this is not the same as converging bank accounts. for all you know maybe he is a moderate spender and he finds you extravagant, and doesn't want to give a big spender access to his dosh. If i bought someone presents i would expect they would return the favour, not give me access to their bank account for my own ends-grow up.if this is a trust issue talk and if you think he is using you bring it up, i'm sure he didn't beg you to buy that plane ticket and if he did this takes on a very different perspective
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): From my own experiences in the past I would go for separate accounts every time. ESPECIALLY if you're married. You're the master of your own financial destiny.You're planning to live together with joint accounts, and if you stay together that's great. However, if you go your own ways at some time in the future with an acrimonious split, there's nothing to stop either one of you emptying an account before the two of you have decided how the cash is to be split.Maybe the law in the States is different to here, where he who has the cash wins!Phil
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